If you're like me, you don't love communicating your deepest darkest feelings, especially when they're less than joyful. However, this doesn't lend to having the greatest relationships. We all know that "communication is key," so where does that leave those of us that just really don't want to talk about it? If you're looking for the answer to this problem, I don't have it. But what I do have are some ideas on how to work towards an open line of communication between you and those closest to you. So check them out, and don't forget to comment what you think!
1. Count to ten a few times.
2. Play 20 questions. I'm serious.
Why would anyone want to tell their deepest thoughts to someone they hardly know? When you get to know someone, it becomes easier to open up. My boyfriend and I play twenty questions a lot, we even look up quizzes online to ask each other. The more I learn about the details of him and what he thinks about life, the easier it becomes for me to want to share my own details and thoughts with him.
3. Drop the games.
I have a history of being the worst about saying something and meaning something entirely different (I say history, but it's still a thing for me). My go to is "I'm fine, don't worry about it" when what I really want is for them to most definitely worry about it. This helps literally no one. Drop the act, say what you mean and mean what you say. If something's bothering you, speak up. If you don't have the words in that moment, say "I don't have the words in this moment." Hiding behind falsehoods only creates more distance between you and the people you want to get to know.
4. Laugh at yourself when you're upset.
5. Try to tell one hard truth a day.
Whether you're telling yourself or someone else, work on being honest even when it's difficult. There may be a million things you're thinking that need to be said, but you don't want to say any of them. In times like these, pick one and say it. Say it in love and kindness, but say it and don't apologize for your honesty. Like anything, speaking your thoughts takes practice.6. Rehearse it in your head, but don't get stuck there.
7. Talk to your dog first.
If you don't have a dog, here's why you're wrong and need one right now. If you do have a dog, I can assuredly promise you that they make a great sounding board. Tell them what you're feeling, practice a couple times, look into those sweet and caring eyes and then go speak your mind. Your dog will have your back 100 percent.
8. Remember to listen.
You may be holding a lot of stuff inside, but you've got to make sure you're listening to the other side too. For all you know, they might be saying something that will soothe your mind without you even needing to speak up. Or, maybe some of your stress is coming from a misunderstanding that can be solved just by listening.
9. Don't lose the love, because it's worth it.
Sometimes when we hold things inside we get overwhelmed by everything we think is going wrong that we can't talk about and we let the love get lost in it all. Whether it's your mom, brother, friend or significant other, don't let all the things you are struggling to say overshadow all the love between you.
10. Take it one step at a time.
Communicating is hard and that's okay. Remember that there will be rough patches. Sometimes you'll feel eloquent and free to express yourself and other times you'll clam up and feel like you'll never ever find the right words. Don't get discouraged. Take it one step at a time, be patient with yourself and know that the ones who love you will be patient with you as well.
Sharing your thoughts is important. What you think, feel and want are all important and deserve recognition. Be confident in what you have to say and know that sharing with others, while a process, is one of the greatest joys in life. I encourage you to say what you need to say.
