Marriage is one of those things you’ve been hearing about since you were a little kid. You have probably been to a few weddings in your life and maybe you’ve even had the pleasure of being in one. Your parents or other family members may be married and you get to experience first-hand the joys of a marriage. But it seems to be that no one ever talks about the struggles and the perils that come along with being married. That’s why I hardly ever actually think about marriage as a real possibility for me.

When you’re a little kid, especially a little girl, you're socialized to dream of love and romance. They show you Disney movies with princesses that are always searching for Prince Charming. So you assume that real life is actually just a journey of romance to find your own Prince Charming, until you realize that it’s not actually like that AT ALL. You play dress up and feel pretty and aspire to have your wedding feel the same way. It’s one of those things you dream about your entire life. Well, most people do anyway.

In recent years, I’ve realized that marriage isn’t just the wedding and playing dress up and good food. It isn’t just that one day, it’s a lifetime. And, to me, that’s terrifying.

For one thing, I feel like you lose your sense of individuality when you get that involved with someone that seriously and that heavily. There’s no more me, there’s just us. There’s nothing wrong with “us,” I just very much want to be my own person and I don’t want anyone to take that away from me. If you spend that much time around someone, you lose your personal identity and people start to refer to you and your significant other in a way that constitutes that you’re one person instead of two separate entities. If that’s what you desire in your life, then that’s fine, but for me personally, that’s not OK.

Second of all, there are quite a few things I’d like to do, or at least consider doing before I commit to something so life-changing. I would like to travel quite a bit and I don’t feel like that would be good for a marriage. I’d like to have a steady and stable career before I get married as well, and since I want to be a journalist, that may be slightly difficult. I think I should take care of myself and my needs before I invite someone else into my world. Also, they’ll probably want to have children and I’m opposed to that for various reasons.

Another thing that’s scary is sharing everything I own with one person. Nothing is just mine anymore. I would no longer have my own place to live, my own bank account or even my own name. I would like to keep my own things. And I’d want that for my partner as well. What’s yours isn’t mine and what’s mine isn’t yours.

I have an aunt that has never been married and she has done very well for herself. She’s had two successful careers, she doesn’t have many financial worries and overall she seems happy. I’m not sure that being married is synonymous with being happy anymore. And since it’s no longer 1950, I don’t think there’s actually a need to be taken care of.

Fifty percent of all marriages these days end in divorce. Therefore, since I know myself and I’m not 100% sure that it's for me. I guess I shouldn't say that it’ll never happen I’m just not quite thinking about it. I don’t believe in Prince Charmings or fairytales or love at first sight, but I do believe in real, true, deep connections. But so many financial and other factors go into a marriage that could possibly ruin that connection and ultimately lead to a divorce. Do you see why I'm apprehensive?