We've all had to speak those two simple words that taste like defeat and poison. I have yet to meet a human being who enjoys speaking them. I'm sorry is undoubtedly the hardest phrase to utter in the English language, and I'm assuming across all other spoken languages as well. The most shocking truth about apologies is that, sometimes, it is hard to accept them because we simply cannot believe them.
Now, I'm imagining jaws dropping and people sitting at their computer screens in complete of awe of the words I've just written. Although I realize this is probably not the case, it's time to come clean to the idea that actions speaking louder than words — a cliche we all know far too well.
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I would consider myself to be a somewhat forgiving person at this stage in my life. I apologize, people apologize to me, but at the end of the day, I've rarely ever found those two words to make a difference in my relationship with others. Apologies are only composed of words, words that can often be meaningless and will never make a difference. For some, they ring truer than church bells, but the reality of the matter is that everyone has very different intentions when they speak those two words.
The truth is, I don't want an apology. I don't want to hear I'm sorry just for someone to turn around and do exactly what made me mad again a few months later. Those two words are just not enough. Changing your behavior, your actions, and righting your wrongs is so much more powerful than an apology ever will be. At the end of an argument where I'm the one receiving the apology, instead of responding with the usual it's okay and pat on the back, I usually reply with something along the lines of "Don't apologize, just do better next time."
The world has become a place of lies and mistrust, not because people aren't capable of apologizing and taking advantage of second chances. It's because people don't see the meaninglessness of apologies and the real importance of actions. If, for some reason, you hurt someone physically, and they pointed that out to you, you wouldn't continue to commit the painful act. You would stop, apologize, and think better next time. The question then becomes, why can't we do this with emotional wounds? Stop bringing up the ex-boyfriend or commenting on things you feel like someone else should change. These are very simple things since big things are complex and much to raw to draw on for examples. The point of the matter is that we've begun to apologize, but not to change, and this is the error of our ways.
We've become stubborn and live in a world that is focused on the self, and this is where we've gone wrong. Many people could agree on the point that actions speak volumes louder than words ever can (cliché, I know), but actions cannot speak if they cannot be heard.
We all fight with friends, relatives, spouses, co-workers and so many others and, at the end of the day, someone apologizes to you (hopefully). But this isn't the end of the fight for most of us. We accept it, because sometimes we feel obligated to, but for weeks and maybe even months or years, we watch that person's actions closely and are much more critical. Maybe it's human nature or the fact that everyone seems to have some sort trust issues nowadays, but sometimes it's unbelievable that a person is capable of change. If a person is truly apologetic, we shouldn't need to be critical or doubt them, yet many of us do anyways.
Apologies harbor a lot of meaning, but only when they're met halfway with the corresponding actions. It's cliche, but I'll say it again — actions speak louder than words. Next time you apologize, think about how you can change your actions and behavior to do better in the future; don't mope about having to admit defeat. We've all done it, and we're all in this together.
