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A Comprehensive List Of Things I Don't Understand

I just don't get it.

Candace M. Gabel

Oct 13, 2015

Northeastern University

1525

A Comprehensive List Of Things I Don't Understand

1. People who pronounce espresso as "expresso."

2. Math.

3. Slut shaming.

4. Republicans.

5. People who pronounce Reese's as "Ree - See's".

6. Minions.

7. Minion memes.

8. Slow walkers.

9. Blackboard.

10. Vanity license plates.

11. Meninists.

12. Men's 3-In-One soaps.

13. Lack of all-day breakfast options.

14. Lack of Whataburger in the Northeast.

15. Beta fish,

16. Having an opinion on toilet paper being under or over.

17. Leg hair.

18. Forever 21's return policy.

19. Open toe boots.

20. Light switches on the outside of bathrooms.

21. The price of Yankee Candles.

22. Benedict Cumberbatch.

23. The Apple Watch.

24. Half-Caf Coffee.

25. Beats By Dre.

26. Donald Trump.

27. Not using turn signals.

28. Why people in Prius' drive so slow.

29. KIK.

30. Contouring.

31. Chipotle as Mexican food.

*I would like to clarify that I love Chipotle, but it's barely Mexican food OK?!

32. Not having a caffeine dependence.

33. Unpaid internships.

34. Bitcoins.

35. People who buy "Now" CDs.

36. The "Poke" feature on Facebook.

37. Irregardless.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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A Comprehensive List Of Things I Don't Understand

I just don't get it.

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Sleepovers are not a thing. They're just not.

1. You only ask things once.

2. Seriously, you only ask once.

3. When you do muster up the courage to ask your parents for something, you creep around and wait until they’re in a good mood.

4. Before you get that final yes, you have to go through an interview.

5. If you ever got “the eye,” you knew you were screwed.

6. You were always the first to leave your group of friends when hanging out.

7. If you say you will be home at a certain time, you better be home at that time.

8. Seeing a missed call from your parents sends fear and horror through your veins.

9. If relatives are coming over to the house, your room better be clean.

10. You are careful about what jokes you share with your parents.

11. "You’re not an adult until you turn 18! You can do whatever you want then!"

12. If plans change while you’re out, you better text or call.

13. Don’t talk back. Ever.

14. When you’re called by your full name, you’re in deep trouble.

15. Don’t make them call your name twice.

16. Sleepovers are not a thing.

17. Despite all of these things, you know your parents love you.

For better or for worse

1. Pets

2. Mornings

3. Mistakes

4. Cooking for yourself

5. Hosting

6. Taking care of yourself

7. Holidays

8. Roommates

9. Keeping focused and getting stuff done

10. Cleaning

11. Social life

No, really. I'm not mad. Just hungry.

1. You’re tired of people asking you if you know what “RBF” stands for every time you zone out.

2. You’re constantly using the excuse, “I’m just tired” when people ask you if you’re mad.

3. Or “I’m just thinking.”

4. In fact, you’re rarely ever actually mad.

5. But when you are, people usually can’t tell.

6. You find other people with RBF’s and have to convince yourself that you don’t look like them.

7. You constantly remind yourself, “At least I’m not a psycho.”

Some of your best ideas come through boredom.

1. If the professor is late by one minute, I'm leaving.

2. Oh crap, that's due TODAY?!

3. Can I nap in here?

4. I wonder what they're serving at the cafeteria.

5. How much does my teacher even get paid?

6. How much will I get paid?

7. This is the longest 50 minutes of my life.

8. Maybe if I call mom, she'll give me money.

9. How much do street performers make anyway?

10. Why am I here? I could be a street performer by now.

11. Oh right, I'm not talented.

The Belchers hold the key to a better life.

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