"Your clock is ticking"
"Your time is running out"
As a woman, especially now reaching adulthood, I'm quite frequently asked about my plan for children. When I plan on having them, if I plan on having them and then the opinions of those who ask. If I say I'm not ready for kids yet, which I'm not being only 21, I get told not to wait too long. If I say I don't know when I'm having kids, which I don't because in truth it's often uncontrollable, I get told that I should know at this age.
If I tell them that I want to wait until I'm at least 26, they tell my my biological clock is ticking. I shouldn't wait, before it's too late.
Why do we ask women these questions? What if I was infertile? What if it was impossible for me to have kids on my own? How would I know how to answer these questions?
Those are the things nobody thinks about when they ask someone about their plans for children. Nobody thinks about the challenges that a woman can face while trying to get herself pregnant. It's not as easy as "just having sex" like it can be for most.
You often will meet women in your life who can't have kids, but really want to. When they get asked those questions, you're putting them in the most painful and uncomfortable situation possible. Her heart will break and she'll try to hold back the tears as the "what if" thoughts come rolling through. And because you asked her this question, she can't just disappear and walk away. She's forced to swallow back the lump in her throat and give you some kind of answer as to why she doesn't have kids.
Some women face the problem where they've tried having kids and they do get pregnant. But face problems early in the pregnancy where they lose the baby. Then they're struck with the reminder of what could've been.
Stop asking women anything about when or if they will be having children.
That is a personal question that should never be asked. Whether by a man or another woman. As a fellow woman, you should know not to ask another about their possibility of childbirth.
If a woman is waiting to have kids, do not tell her that her biological clock is ticking. Not only is it incredibly rude, but it is entirely insensitive. A woman should be allowed to decide when or if she wants to birth children. We do not live in the 1950's where every woman had to marry by a certain age and have kids right after.
We now live in a world where, women have a choice. Some women don't want kids, they'd rather focus on their careers and living their life. Some do want kids, but want to wait until they are out of college.
Whatever the case may be. Don't, ever, ask a woman about when she's having kids or if she's having kids. That is her business and her partners. Not yours. Unless she brings up the conversation with you first. Do not ask. Whether you have known her for years and especially if you have just met her.
Stop asking.
