You know that phrase people say all the time, “All my friends are getting engaged and married (and having babies) and I’m just here like…” Yeah. I figured most people have heard or even said that.
Relationships. It’s a pretty big deal to a lot of people, and I can honestly say that it was a pretty big deal to me. For twenty (pretty close to twenty-one) years, I’ve been imagining that one relationship that would blossom into something bigger and would end up with the guy getting down on one knee (after asking my dad for his blessing), pulling out a quaint ring, and asking me that one question that I’ve been waiting my entire life to hear.
You watch relationships in television shows, like Dean and Rory from Gilmore Girls; you hear about them in songs like J-Biebs’ “Been You”; or you read about them in books, like Drew and Constance in A Bride Most Begrudging by Deeanne Gist (this does happen to be my favorite book). My point is that relationships are surrounding us, and if you’re single like yours truly, then you happen to notice these things, and they can become depressing.
It’s not so much that you’re unhappy for the couple you see walking down the street holding hands, bundled in coats, snow swirling around them, a picturesque vision before you, but it’s more to do with the fact that that’s not you.
And here lies the problem. We want to be in relationships, but we don’t really want to wait for them. Which is why we tend to settle for the ‘now’ instead of waiting for God to bring us to the point when we’re ready for that commitment. And when we settle, we often get our hearts broken. And I can say this from experience. I so badly wanted a boyfriend my freshman year of college that I settled for a guy I thought was great and could potentially be the one, but he turned out to be a colossal heart-breaker.
Recently, one of my best friends shared a song with me, “Settle For Less,” by Before You Exit (it’s a super cute song, actually, so I encourage you to listen to it). And the song sort of drilled an idea further into me: I want that one relationship that God has planned for me. And if I have to wait, then that’s fine because it’s going to be the perfect timing and (obviously) worth the wait.
Picture this, shall we? You attract the eye of a guy who either sits next to you in class, saw you ordering a cup of maple spice pumpkin latte in the downtown coffee shop, or went to high school with you, and he happened to run into you at the local grocery store years after you’ve graduated (because you’re in college now). And he strikes up a conversation and is clearly showing interest in you (but not too much—he isn’t coming across as creepy in the scenario). He asks for your number and calls you, wanting to hang out, which eventually turns into a date. He walks you to the front door every time he brings you home (or your dorm room door, depending on if you live on campus or not). He doesn’t honk the car horn when he arrives, and he opens the car door for you. He’s not inappropriate with how he talks to you, and he’s mindful of where his hands are, respecting you and your wishes. He doesn’t put up a front, trying to convince you he’s a good guy—he just really is a good guy, no façade about it. He doesn’t pursue you, but pursues God and is being led to you. He’s a real gentleman, and your father approves of him.
Does this all sound like a fairy-tale? Potentially. But the matter of the fact is out there: this guy could very well exist. I’m not saying that the one God has for you is going to do all these things or act this way. I am saying that the guy God has for you is going to be the perfect one for you because He personally picked him out.
It’s easier waiting for the right guy and choosing to not settle when you can picture that. A guy worth waiting for. A gentleman. A guy that is pursuing God with his entire being and is being shaped into that God-fearing man you long to be committed to.
I’m not saying you’re going to find him right away. It could take quite a while for God to say, “Okay, it’s time.” And I’m not saying that when you do find him, you two will get married within 8 months of dating. I’m saying that when you pursue God, He will pave the right path for you. In the realm of relationships, when you pursue God, the guy that you’ve been praying about will make his way to you because you’re both focusing your attention and hearts on God.
It took me a long time to come to terms being content in my singleness until God opens that door for me, but I eventually got to this place by not only reading my Bible, but other compelling (nonfiction) reads as well. When God Writes Your Love Story by Eric and Leslie Loody and Boy Meets Girl by Joshua Harris are among the many books by Christian authors that I read and saw truth in. My sister also sent me a podcast before she left for The World Race called, “Single, Dating, Engaged, Married” by Ben Stuart. I would encourage anyone to listen to it, especially if you’ve been obsessing over relationships or being single (in a negative way). Ben Stuart gives insight and points that just make sense and encourage you in your time of singleness.
Enjoy this season in your life, resting with the knowledge that you won’t settle, but rather, set your heart and mind pursuing the One that will bring you your greatest joy (along with a gentleman of His choosing).
