Forming toxic relationships is far more damaging than associating with people who are occasionally less-than-happy for your successes. These are just a couple of the negative consequences that toxic relationships can have.
1. You teach yourself that you're not worthy of respect
If there was one thing that all of my toxic relationships definitely lacked; it was respect. My boundaries were crossed time and time again and somehow I was the one at fault. It didn't matter how uncomfortable I felt, whether my safety and well-being was at risk, I had to comply. Let me tell you there's not a person in the world who deserve that level of power over you. Not a friend, not a parent, not a boss, nobody. Say it until you believe it.
2. You set yourself up for more toxic relationships
It's a snowball effect!
This one kind of relates to the first one, but our brain is very good at recognizing patterns. If you keep throwing toxic relationships at it, they become the norm and suddenly you've been through 2, 3, 4, and counting toxic relationships. I've been in more than I can count on one -- possibly two -- hand(s).
Don't be like me.
3. You don't have anyone in the good or bad times
If you have a whole bunch of toxic friends, it can feel a lot like being alone in a crowd.
They tear you down or invalidate you when you succeed and treat you like an untouchable when you have a bad day. It's a lose-lose situation no matter what and either you've invested too much time or are too distracted just to walk away. Days turn into weeks turn into months until you *might* choose to pull yourself out and find someone new. But the damage is already done by then.
4. You re-wire your brain and your immune system...for the worse
There's this field called epigenetics which looks at how the environment can shape your genes. That's right, nature meets nurture head-on. When people are exposed to chronic stress, their serotonin (a neurotransmitter in your brain that regulates mood) levels go haywire.
Their immune systems can be compromised for the rest of their lives and their behavior tends to change for the worse. Namely, they might start actively seeking out stress because they become so used to stressful environments that they become distressed from non-stressful ones. Psychology, ya'll! *jazz hands*
5. Your self-esteem gets eroded
"Your most beautiful feature is your smile!" Yeah. Right.
Chances are your toxic relationship involves being demeaned, invalidated, insulted, gaslighted, etc. on a near-daily basis. Which isn't exactly helpful for developing a strong identity you can grow to love to say the least.
6. You could end up in physical danger
Two of my many toxic relationships involved physical abuse. Needless to say, I was in physical danger quite a bit of the time and the consequences astronomically outweighed the benefits in those situations. In fact, I don't think there even were any benefits.
I think it's pretty safe to say that whatever temporary benefits -- that you can and should get elsewhere -- toxic relationships provide don't stack up against these consequences in any way whatsoever. I can't think of anything in my life that I would sacrifice my health, self esteem, and personal needs for; let alone a person or group of people.
Of course, that took years of unlearning as I mentioned before toxic relationships tend to set the precedent for more toxic relationships. I can only hope that I don't wind up in more of them down the road, knock on the wood, because I think I've had more than enough of people taking out their insecurities on me.
If I can treat people with respect for their boundaries, concern for their well-being, and appreciation for their existence then they can do the same for me. Otherwise, they're not worth my time. Bye Felicia.
