I absolutely love this poem by Rupi Kaur:

I want to apologize to all the women

I have called pretty

Before I have called them intelligent or brave.

I am sorry that I made it sound as though

Something as simple as what you’re born with

Is the most you have to be proud of

When your spirit has crushed mountains.

From now on, I will say things like, ‘You are resilient’

Or, ‘you are extraordinary,’

Not because I don’t think you’re pretty,

But because you are so much more than that.

Likewise, I love this quote I heard once that says:

“Don’t call me beautiful. I don’t care. Call me intelligent. Tell me my laugh is contagious; that I made you smile. Tell me that I have something to offer.”

Our society has taught us so much to wait for someone to call us beautiful or that being called pretty or beautiful is such a high compliment, but it’s so untrue. Beautiful is a word whose definition changes from person to person; it’s a compliment that leaves us powerless because it says nothing about who we are as individuals.

I have fought to become the woman I am today, and beautiful says so little about who I am. I am a strong woman who was created not to sit there and look pretty. I may wake up, and my hair may not be pretty. Heck, I might not even do my hair that day, but guess what? My heart remains the same. The scars that I possess and the victories that I have won still remain even if I’m not what someone would deem beautiful.

We are women, strong and resilient. We have fought to become people of substance, to show the world that our gender doesn’t make us weaker or feeble minded. We are women. We are powerful as women—not saying we are more powerful than men, but we are equals. We don’t need to sit around and wait for someone to call us beautiful as if our value depended upon it.

Become a woman you will be proud to say that you are. It doesn’t matter if you ever become what one would consider fashionable or get up early to curl your hair—these aren’t the things that make you virtuous. Do you care about injustice? Do you care about being a voice for those who don’t have anyone to speak for them? Have you determined in your heart that you refuse to be a victim or a statistic? Have you forced yourself to wake up every morning and defy the odds of what your background has predisposed you to? That’s what matters. That is what makes you an incredible person. Someone looking at you and calling you beautiful means nothing because it reflects nothing of their ability to see those things. No one can look at a pretty face and see the history of a woman who has fought with the devil and won. No one can look at a pretty face and see the tears that she has cried and the devastation she has overcome. Calling a woman pretty says nothing about her ability to have an intelligent conversation, motivate others to become all that their potential will allow, identify the rhetorical flaws within an argument, feed the hungry, give value to those who feel broken and unloved, educate the minds of children whose parents could care less; it says nothing about the heart she possesses and the love that flows out of her.

Being pretty says nothing and it means nothing. Pretty is a moment in time when you reached one person’s standard. Character lasts a lifetime, and character is what will change lives.

So don’t call me pretty. I’m not just pretty. If a pretty girl is what you want, then keep walking. I’m not her.