Nostalgia. It can be our best friend or our worst enemy.
It is easy to live in a mindset other than the present. Our minds like the structure of planning for the future, and the familiarity of the past. Especially when we cut ties with a person, our brains love to obsess over everything that we cannot change. What could have gone differently? Remember this fun memory? I wonder if that person is thinking of me.
As human beings, we tend to see the past through rose-tinted glasses. This is what leads us to the infamously messy phenomena: "I miss you" texts.
We've been plagued by so many breakup songs about intoxicated text messages sent to people from our past that we'd much rather forget, that it has easily become a defining characteristic for many people.
When we see or think of these memories, it can be easy to latch onto them and act on them. It is normal to feel nostalgic, especially for toxic people that we may have since moved on from.
But, it is important to remember that we should never let our behaviors be dictated by our impulsive emotions.
It's easy to open up your long-term memory and take out all the artifacts and stories of your past, both good and bad. Things like Timehop and Snapchat memories make this bad habit even easier. Even easier than that? Sending that quick, unprecedented "Just saw this and was thinking of you. Miss you!" text.
Remind yourself of the growth you've had as a person since that falling out. If it's still fresh, remind yourself that you need to resist those urges in order for growth to happen. Rehashing an old situation will just land you right back where you started. Tell yourself: You know where this person stands. What makes you think this time will be different?
More than the toxicity of you reopening an otherwise closed door, the same goes for the person being contacted. It's a waste of time to dwell on if they are missing you or not. Chances are that they think of you every now and again. Just like you do when you hear that song on the radio or drive past that place you used to frequent with them. But revisiting that will only lead you to one of three outcomes: awkwardness, pain, or miscommunication.
Awkward. They read your message and don't reply. Or, they say something awkward in response.
Pain. They respond with anger or ridicule. Or, you're both stuck on what you can't change by reminiscing.
Miscommunication. They may take this text as a green light to start talking to you again. And you may land yourself in a situation that you weren't prepared for.
Save yourself the misery of opening a healing wound. Don't send the text. Especially if you're drunk. Lord knows you may become a screenshot in a group text roast session later on.
Enjoy the memory, feel what you feel, and move on.
