Most people can agree that they dislike their exes. We can all spend hours smack talking and ranting with friends about the stupid and hurtful things they did, and, in the end, sigh a breath of relief that the relationship is done. While you dislike your exes though, you shouldn't regret them. There are so many lessons to be learned and ways to grow as a person when you break up with somebody. You can use your new time being single to fine tune your wants, needs, and deal-breakers for relationships. This is what I learned in five years of dating.
I had a couple boyfriends in high school and started casually dating when I got to college, even picking up a short lived relationship my freshman year. Though I've come to dislike 90 percent of the boys I've dated, each has taught me something. With my first boyfriend, I didn't learn much, because, well, it was a first boyfriend. Being 15, you don't really have the mindset of "what can I take away from this," but instead just go about things like you did before. I've remained good friends with my first boyfriend, which is great. While dating again isn't really something I have in mind, I've come to learn that even after four years of not talking, you can be friends with your ex. Him and I lost touch, but after a long time of separation, we've connected again, and we're perfectly fine with things between us. Him and I are open and honest, and we seek advice from each other, or sometimes just rant to each other. After so many years, I continue to learn how to have a healthy friendship with an ex.
From junior to senior year, I had a long-term relationship. We thought everything would be great forever, but all came crashing down without warning. While we did lack feelings, it still hurt to know about his new girlfriend. This sparked the biggest change in my life. I started to put myself and my happiness first after the breakup. For so long in the end, I tried to make my S.O. happy and didn't focus on myself. He had such a hard time accepting the fact I wanted alone time instead of being with him in my free time. I now know that if somebody has a problem with putting myself before them, they're not meant for me. People can come and go in your life, but you will always have yourself, so you may as well try to make that self as happy and healthy as can be. I'm not saying I'm selfish and only think of myself now, but if something makes me unhappy or I know I need alone time, I'll put those desires before any boyfriend. I'm still working on it, but I've made good progress. I've never been happier, and all because of that break-up.
Finally, freshman year of college, I got into a short-lived relationship. The feelings were strong at first, but over time, true colors started showing. I refuse to allow the slightest homophobia, racism, or misogyny into my love life. If you expect me to be OK with you mocking LGBT people, saying phrases like, "I don't hate black people, just..." and bashing my feminism, you need to move along. I might live in the South, but I'm pretty liberal on my social views, and if that's a problem, too bad. I have a better idea of what ticks me off and the attitudes I don't accept from boys. Most of all, what I learned is I need somebody who can accept and help with my anxiety. I can be very anxious sometimes in relationships, and if somebody can't be patient enough to help me through it when I need them, they don't deserve to stay in my life. What I learned before was to make choices that help me be happy, and usually people who don't have the patience to care for an S.O., and respect their mental health, are the opposite of happiness. Everyone deserves happiness and it doesn't help when somebody can't help you back to a happy mindset.
Relationships are tricky. The weird thing is that you will either break up with or marry whoever you date. Because of my exes, I have a better idea of who I am as a person, and what kind of people I want in my life. Some day, hopefully, I'll be married, and I'll be able to find that person with what I've learned in my dating experiences. You have to find what you do and don't like from people, and you can't expect your ex to be the only one with faults. You have to learn to work on yourself and grow as a person. Relationships are times to learn, so why not take the opportunity?
