Ask any of my friends and anyone tell you about my sometimes unhealthy love for Star Wars. Then ask me who my favorite character is and I’ll answer Anakin Skywalker because of a major crush I’ve had on him since the tender age of ten. So, by that logic my favorite couple in the movies is of course none other than the doomed Jedi Knight and the lovely Senator Padmé Amidala (portrayed by my spirit animal Natalie Portman).

But let’s forget Anakin for a moment and focus on Padmé Amidala: she was Queen of her planet at just 14 years old and fought off an occupation while at that age most girls, including me, were stressed about high school drama. Then she became a Senator who fought for the causes she believed in, while also maintaining a secret marriage to her Jedi love and eventually being the momma of the heroes who brought her Anakin back from his dark path and saved the galaxy. What’s more awesome than that? The fact that most of that she did without Anakin by her side of course. Sure you might need a Jedi to call on for help sometimes, but also sometimes you are the only one you can rely on.

Now let’s switch to real life. I have plenty of my friends who are single. I have plenty of friends (myself included) who are in relationships. Both are okay and I wish we’d accept that as a society. Just because I am a woman does not mean I need a man to complete me as a person. The fact that I have an Anakin to my Padmé in my life does not make me complete and relegate me to stand and let a Jedi save me while I just look pretty. I’m still me and capable of doing things on my own but now it just means I have someone to help me when I need it.

I have some girlfriends that really want to be in relationships that aren’t currently in one and that is totally okay, as humans we crave that sort of thing. But I tell them that once they’re in a relationship a whole new set of challenges they haven’t had to deal with come up and one of those is maintaining your own identity outside of your relationship because if there’s something I find pathetic it’s losing yourself in someone else. Give relationships your all but make sure to not overdo it.

On the flip side, if you’re a single Anakin or Padmé out there right now enjoy the time to discover who you are and fall in love with yourself. I wish I had realized this years ago but the only way others fall in love with you is if you first fall for yourself. I said earlier that more often than not at the end of the day you are all you have so why not like the main player on your team?

In a society that’s too often turned on its head when it comes to values and expectations we need to be the ones to tell society that it cannot tell us what we need to be happy and confident in ourselves. Remember, Padmé Amidala fought for the freedom of her planet by herself but she knew when she needed a Jedi to help her out. We should all strive to be her whether we are with someone or not because nothing is more attractive to others than self-confidence.