Don't Let Mental Illness Make You Shy Away From Life | The Odyssey Online
Start writing a post
Health and Wellness

Don't Let Mental Illness Make You Shy Away From Life

81
Don't Let Mental Illness Make You Shy Away From Life
valledelebro

men·talill·ness (NOUN) any psychiatric disorder that causes untypical behavior

I’m going to be completely honest.Mental Illness sucks the life out of you. Depending on what disorder you have, it just blows. I will be sharing my struggles, my advice, tips, awesome quotes, and greatest accomplishments. I struggle with bipolar disorder, depression, and anxiety. It has been hard keeping relationships with love interests, family, and friends. I can tell you that the only one that loves me unconditionally is my dog, Wesley, who is the most loving dog ever. I found out that I have bipolar disorder since May. It was quite a shock but also a relief. I take medication for it and go to counseling which has been helpful. Here's an introduction of my battle, I have been untreated since I was the age of 12. None of my family, not even my parents took a notice of my behavior since two - three years ago when I wanted to hurt myself. I knew I had depression and anxiety. But doesn't everyone?

I thought going to my family doctor would cure everything. I was basically trying new medicines every week - thinking it could solve this "problem" I have. It didn't, it made things worse. I was living with my older brother for about six to seven years in our family home. Family is divorced. My father is remarried. My mother has a partner of nine years. I was working two jobs to help pay for my half of the house and groceries. I liked being on my own but sometimes It got too much because of feeling like I wasn't being heard or appreciated. My room was my safe haven. It has been for all my life. My parents used to fight a lot and so my room was a way for me to get a way from the noise. Sadly, to this day, it's still my safe haven. I have a collection of movies, like to take pictures, and music that keeps me sane from the problems I have inside my head. I have and always will have a big problem communicating my problems to anyone because I feel like they don't understand what I go through on a daily basis. What seems so easy to everyone else by getting up and starting your day, it seems like a big accomplishment to us.

Relationships are very hard for me because of watching the marriage between my parents crumble everyday since I can remember. I try to stem away from their mistakes but I keep going back to the pattern. I love too hard. I strive for validation. I want to make that person happy. And I do it by trying to be some one I'm not. I get hurt because their reason is my anxiety or my bipolar. I feel like I get put on a higher ground whenever I meet someone because they think of me as this awesome person when I'm just me. I love superheroes, I like to watch movies, take pictures, visit museums, listen to music, go to the beach, and be me. I tell people I have bipolar disorder and they ask me the normal questions which I answer. Then I get, "I'll handle it, no worries." I'm sorry to say, you fucking can't. No one can fucking handle someone with a fucking mental illness unless you are God. Which you clearly aren't. I'm sorry to put the lord's name in vain. But it's true. You have to be patient, understanding, strong, and loving to really fully commit to this person who is struggling every day.

Bullying -- Oh, god. Where do I begin? Bullying is not something I like to hear about happen to you, nor me. I had or have a bully for about a year now. Let me put it this way, she is one of those people who preach to you about mental illness but will call you a lunatic. She is dating my ex boyfriend off and on of two years. After they got together, he told her lies about me. Making himself look like he didn't do anything wrong but I was the wrongdoer. I was at the most darkest place when I was in the second year of our relationship. I was unhappy and felt very depressed. He wasn't making it easier for me to get over things. I was very resentful and very lonely. The distance between us wasn't making it great either. We loved each other. We wanted to make it work. We tried so hard. I give him props for trying. But he was very emotionally abusive. And I was a love sick girl wanting him. As for the person he is with, she is nothing more theninsecure. In my opinion anyway. I have been called a lunatic, emailed profusely, Facebook messaged, and Instagram messaged by this person. I guess to prove a point? There is no point because I don't care anymore. The ex-boyfriend and I are done. Not even wanting to talk to each other. But this person messaged me a few months back, I quotes star wars - knowing that it would go over her head. I took a picture of it and emailed it to my ex boyfriend. Ge didn't even see it til a month ago. And this person went nuts. Don't email me and expect me to hide it.

This is why I'm not friends or associate myself with too many females. Not too fond of them. I pick and choose my friends that are girls -- it helps.

Anyway, I have learned that when you are in that type of situation - walk away. Or tell them to simply leave you alone. You aren't wanting to fight with them, just wanting peace. It's hard not wanting to fight because you are feeling attacked. As for my warriors -- look at it this way. They aren't in the higher intelligence group that we belong in so don't even pay attention to it. We are better then this. They want attention and they think that we want their boyfriend / girlfriend back. It's not the case. We just don't want to be bothered cause we got so much other shit going on, haha. Love ourselves and just move on. I know we will be hung up on it. But shit happens.

Family. Family is what I most personally struggle with. I love my family with every ounce of my being. But some times I find it hard to bond with them. My family is very goal, artsy, and musically oriented. And myself, I am very kept to myself. I suffer from social anxiety, and working in retail doesn't make it easier. Going to family functions or even going out with friends is a massive anxiety attack. I hate it. But it is what is. My cousin has a mental illness - well many. But he is the most kind, gentle, heart warming, loving, sweet person. He is taking medication as well. And he understands too.

My advice for my first entry -- If you have a calendar -- on your phone, hanging calendar, or even a pocket calendar. Write Good if you have a good day or Bad if you have a bad day. Then total up the "Good" and the "Bad". It will help you to see if you need to work on anything that makes your days worse. My aunt taught me this. And it has helped.

Also, if you are into anything like I am. Journal, take pictures, play pokemon go, watch movies, go for a swim, or cook one of your favorite dishes. Maybe just dance!

We can't have this take over our lives, we are human. We are here on this earth to do something amazing. Let's kick ass and repeat.

I really do hope that everyone suffering from mental health can relate and to grow with me while I'm on my journey to get healthy.

-- Gracie

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Entertainment

Most Epic Aurora Borealis Photos: October 2024

As if May wasn't enough, a truly spectacular Northern Lights show lit up the sky on Oct. 10, 2024

3731
stunning aurora borealis display over a forest of trees and lake
StableDiffusion

From sea to shining sea, the United States was uniquely positioned for an incredible Aurora Borealis display on Thursday, Oct. 10, 2024, going into Friday, Oct. 11.

It was the second time this year after an historic geomagnetic storm in May 2024. Those Northern Lights were visible in Europe and North America, just like this latest rendition.

Keep Reading...Show less
 silhouette of a woman on the beach at sunrise
StableDiffusion

Content warning: This article contains descriptions of suicide/suicidal thoughts.

When you are feeling down, please know that there are many reasons to keep living.

Keep Reading...Show less
Relationships

Power of Love Letters

I don't think I say it enough...

450121
Illistrated image of a letter with 2 red hearts
StableDiffusion

To My Loving Boyfriend,

  • Thank you for all that you do for me
  • Thank you for working through disagreements with me
  • Thank you for always supporting me
  • I appreciate you more than words can express
  • You have helped me grow and become a better person
  • I can't wait to see where life takes us next
  • I promise to cherish every moment with you
  • Thank you for being my best friend and confidante
  • I love you and everything you do

To start off, here's something I don't say nearly enough: thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart. You do so much for me that I can't even put into words how much I appreciate everything you do - and have done - for me over the course of our relationship so far. While every couple has their fair share of tiffs and disagreements, thank you for getting through all of them with me and making us a better couple at the other end. With any argument, we don't just throw in the towel and say we're done, but we work towards a solution that puts us in a greater place each day. Thank you for always working with me and never giving up on us.

Keep Reading...Show less
Lifestyle

11 Signs You Grew Up In Hauppauge, NY

Because no one ever really leaves.

22025
Map of Hauppauge, New York
Google

Ah, yes, good old Hauppauge. We are that town in the dead center of Long Island that barely anyone knows how to pronounce unless they're from the town itself or live in a nearby area. Hauppauge is home to people of all kinds. We always have new families joining the community but honestly, the majority of the town is filled with people who never leave (high school alumni) and elders who have raised their kids here. Around the town, there are some just some landmarks and places that only the people of Hauppauge will ever understand the importance or even the annoyance of.

Keep Reading...Show less
Lifestyle

Moana's Top 10 Life Tips

"Moana" is filled with life lessons that involve far more than finding true love as many other Disney movies do.

44959
Animated image of a woman with long dark hair and tattoos
StableDiffusion

1. It's easy to be fooled by shiny things.

Digital image of shiny gemstones in cased in gold. shiny things StableDiffusion

Tamatoa created a liar filled with shiny things simply for the purpose of tricking fish to enter and become his food. He too experiences a lesson in how easy it is to be tricked by shiny things when Moana distracts him by covering herself in glowing algae so Maui can grab his hook.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments