The journey to self-love and acceptance is often long and almost always unpredictable. There's no definite timeline and no wrong or right way to go about it, all it takes is patience and perseverance. For some, it takes months, for others it takes years and unfortunately you never really know what side of the spectrum you'll end up on. The only definite variable the ties us all together is that it's an uphill battle and one that I've come to realize you don't need to fight alone. But I didn't always think this way.
I used to think that because I didn't love myself, I couldn't expect others to love me either.
In my eyes, it seemed hypocritical to ask that of anyone. I thought that it would be the downfall of any relationship I tried to get into because of my insecurities and my doubts. I thought that I would be too demanding – that I would be too demanding. I believed that it was my responsibility to fix myself and to learn to love the outcome before I subjected anyone else to it. I thought that in orderfor someone else to love me, I had to love me first.
I'll try to set the record straight with what I know, and it's that although loving yourself and being comfortable with the person that you are should always be a priority, it isn't a pre-requisite to having wholesome, healthy relationships.
We're often lead to believe that we can't do both, that it's one or the other, but I'm here to tell you that you shouldn't have to choose. You shouldn't feel like you're undeserving of a relationship because you haven't learned to completely love yourself yet.
Will it be a little more difficult than the average relationship? Probably.
Learning to love yourself is a challenge within itself, even before you factor in balancing the wants and the needs of another person. But should you find the right person, it's a challenge you won't face alone. It's a chance to find love for yourself in the way someone else does.
Regardless of the fact that it's completely possible to achieve both, you should still be cautious. There's a difference between learning to love yourself with someone else and learning to love yourself because of someone else. Although this journey is one you can happily share, it isn't one that should depend solely on the affection of someone else because at the end of the day you should love you for you and no one else.
I don't write this because I've managed this, seeing as it's a relatively new lesson learned, but I write this because for years I burdened myself with the task of finding a way to love myself before letting anyone in. I was punishing myself for not being able to overcome my insecurities by convincing myself I didn't deserve to be in a relationship. I won't say that it's the sole reason I've remained single, but it's definitely a large contribution.
Loving yourself isn't an exact science, for the most part, it's trial and error. It can be painful and it can be frustrating but it doesn't have to be lonely.
