I like listening to math rock. I like rain storms and gardens. I like dubstep and parkour and fashion. But while I like all these items and products, I don’t like children.

Children are individuals. They are not music genres, objects of nature or hobbies, and they do not all just exist as a group. I like many children, but I do not like all children and cannot because I have not met all of them (and I have met some children who are difficult to like).

In my experience, there seems to be two kinds of people who say they dislike children. First, there are those who actually dislike the stereotypes about children, such as that they’re whiny, have tantrums, or are destructive. When someone gives a stereotype like these to explain why they don’t like children, I immediately think of a child I know or knew who doesn’t fit that stereotype. I do not see the justification in disliking a people group* based on stereotypes about them.

But even when the reasons are more like fact-based characteristics than stereotypes, it seems rather heartless to dislike a people group because they suffer from sickness a lot, or need to repeat others to learn their very first language, or have trouble adjusting to potty training.

On the other hand, although I wouldn’t like it if someone’s first impression of me were immediately poor because they disliked the stereotypes about women or “black” people, it would be even more difficult if they disliked me simply because I am a woman or a black person. This is the second group of people, who dislike children simply because they are children. Even when this type finds a child without those stereotypes, they still dislike and look down on them as inferior.

Some parents are like this with their kids, only able to see them as children and often as bothers, not seeing them as other people, wishing they’d grow up and leave already and thinking it is fine to feel this way. I’ve seen this type unusually more vocal on social media lately, which is not surprising in a culture trying to make some children seem less than human.

I’m not arguing that we all stop using the terminology of liking or disliking children. I would love to never hear anyone say they dislike children, for the reasons above and more, but to make things easier I will probably still say sometimes that I like children when asked, though that’s not exactly what I mean. But sometimes I have and will take the time to explain, just to try and share the fact that children are not products to like and dislike altogether like shoes or sports.

*For this article I’m defining a people group as a group of people sharing a characteristic they cannot immediately change about themselves, such as color, sex, body type or youth.