This election will be my first time voting for President. Starting about this time last year, different presidential candidates started surfacing in both the Democratic and Republican parties, and I began my search for who I wanted to be my next President. I ensured I was registered to vote and submitted an absentee ballot for Bernie Sanders in the Ohio Primaries. My criterion for a candidate was simple: someone I liked, I trusted, but mostly I wanted someone who showed ideals similar to my own. With the announcement that Hillary Clinton will not be charged in regards to her emails, Sanders is out of the race. Many people automatically assume that I will now vote for Hilary Clinton, but I’m not so sure I can just switch my vote.

I stated above that I have three things I look for in a candidate, and Hilary Clinton does not pass the “Candidate I trust” category, and that is why I am hesitant to vote for her. Many people assume that someone like me, a feminist, would be running to the ballot to vote for a woman. My being a feminist does not mean I am immediately going to choose someone just because they are female – it means I will give equal consideration to every candidate regardless of gender. So here I am, I do not agree with a single Republican or Democratic candidate. My ideal candidate is not in the race, and I am very concerned about the possibility of “President Trump.”

What does one normally do when one does not agree with Republican or Democrat? You turn to independents and third parties. Recently, I started examining some third party candidates, such as Jill Stein of the Green Party and Gary Johnson from the Libertarian Party. In any other election, I do not think I would have had a problem casting a vote for a third party. However, this election has a nominee who spews hate, saying racist, misogynistic, xenophobic, etc. comments left and right. We all know who I am talking about – Donald Trump. To quote a Belgian student I met while abroad: “Normally, I think that if the USA elects someone stupid, that is [their] problem. If Donald Trump wins, I think the whole world will be in danger.”

I fear if I vote third party, then Donald Trump will win. I fear that Clinton, Stein, Johnson, etc. will not have enough votes to overcome Trump if people start splitting the vote between the three. However, I do not want to let fear cause me to vote for Clinton. Do I think Clinton will be terrible? Well, I think more of the same will occur. Police brutality will continue (let’s remember the tragedy that Philando Castile is the 116^th black man killed this year by police brutality), xenophobia will continue to rise, meanwhile LGBT+ discrimination will continue - I think more of the same will ensue. I do not think Clinton will cause any of this – I think our system and our culture needs an overhaul to undue this train of thought and I do not think Clinton will be the candidate to overhaul our system. However, a world with President Donald Trump will show a United States where no country will tolerate us, where families are torn apart, and where the rich continue to get richer as the poor get poorer. Overall, I fear splitting the vote because I fear the consequences.

This is why I feel stuck this election. I refuse to not vote – people died for our right to vote. I am very much apart of #nevertrump, but I do not think #imwithher. At this point for me, it is a large internal debate: do I put aside the fact that I do not trust Clinton and vote for her? Or do I put my fears of splitting the vote aside and vote for whomever I think is a good candidate? It is likely that I will internally debate this until November 8^th, and as the votes roll in, I will be holding breath to hear who is our next President.