Recently, I spent time with someone I could see myself dating. We were compatible and enjoyed spending time together, but after we went on three dates, he told me that he "didn't really have time for a relationship." I was surprised, since I had gotten the impression that he too had enjoyed spending time with me. He said he did, but that he just "didn't have time for a serious relationship."
What a load of CRAP.
Why do people think that this is a legitimate excuse? Why would someone close themselves off like that after spending time with someone they might have really cared about? Someone they had a genuine connection with? If someone tells you they do not have "time" for you, then there a few things to consider:
The first is that you have not done anything wrong. You presented your true self and tried to spend meaningful time with someone. We cannot do anything as people but try different things; some of them will work out in our favor, or some will not. Putting yourself our there and letting yourself be vulnerable with someone can obviously be frightening, but it does help you learn about yourself and what you are interested in with another person.
The second thing is that that person clearly has other issues going on--committment, emotional, or otherwise previously stated. I myself am one of the busiest people I know, but I would never let that stop me from attempting to form new relationships, romantic and otherwise, with other people. I would never purposely close myself off from the idea. If someone tells you they do not have the time to invest in a relationship, then they are simply scared, insecure, lazy, or some combination.
They might be scared of the future, of you for being forward, or any other number of things. They might be insecure about themselves, and nervous when you bring up the idea of a continuing and developing relationship. They might simply be lazy, and if they feel like they will have to do more than show up to dates to get your attention and affection, then they will not fully invest themselves.
Those people are missing out on how wonderful of a person YOU are. They are not seeing your beauty, your intelligence, your humor, and all your other wonderful qualities that you know you possess. You know that you are worth more than a body, a one night stand, and you should take of yourself as such.
Here is a third note to consider, and I cannot stress this enough: if someone just wants you for your body, but "does not have time" to take you on a date or invest in you emotionally, then they are not worth it. Sure, maybe some people want that; that is their choice. If you are someone who gets emotionally attached like I am and you enjoy the company of a significant other, and you see yourself wanting a future with a person, do not put yourself though the stress and torment of a "friends with benefits" relationship. You are not going to get anything out of it. Sure, it will be fun, but how will that really make you feel in the end, when you realize that person did not care about you as a human being, but saw you as a body? As a thing to be used?
You must know your own worth, even if someone else does not.
And for God's sake, do not waste your time with someone who is going to skirt around the idea of dating if that is what you're interested in. It will save you the frustration and potential heartbreak if you learn to move on and find someone who will always have time for you.
