Everyone who knows me knows that I'm notoriously bad at making decisions. It was a huge feat to decide on a college an entire week before the deadline, but I didn't get quite as lucky when it came to choosing a major. Three semesters not as lucky, in fact.
Eventually, my 4-year schedule ran out of wiggle room, and I had to choose before I left to study abroad. Although I chose something, I hadn't come much closer to figuring out one of life's biggest questions: What was I going to do with the rest of my life?
Long story short: I don't know. I have no idea what I want to do with the rest of my life. But does that have to be so important? I know what I do want. I want a dog that's big but not too big for a city. I want to live near my family and closest friends because they make me happy.
I want to travel, and I want a job that makes enough money to be able to do so, even if that means sacrificing in other areas. I have the outline of what I need to do to bring myself the most happiness and fulfillment in the next ten years - I just don't know what my career will be.
I don't think I need to. We all are put under so much pressure to be perfect and to have everything figured out so early on. Many people have fallen victim to this pressure at times - myself included.
Throughout my whole life, I've stressed out preparing for the next step in my future. In middle school, my teachers' warnings that high school would just get tougher scared me half to death. In high school, I stressed myself out constantly preparing for college.
I was involved in everything - rarely would I be home before 8'oclock on any day of the week and when I came home I would be up well past midnight working on homework for all the AP and honors classes I convinced myself I had to take to prepare for college. Anything that would bolster a college application, I stressed over. I've lost count of all the little nervous habits I've picked up these past ten years.
And for what? I still would have gotten into college if I tried a little less. I still would have gotten into a good college, in fact, and every college gets you the same degree anyway. And yet I gave up so much in my high school years.
I gave up time with my friends; time which I now consider to be the best of my life. I gave up time with my family, which since going away to college I have learned the value of even more. I gave up time to take a breather. I gave up time to focus on my mental health. I gave up a lot of my happiness, in search of a better future.
But why push yourself towards a greater future when you have such a great now? The majority of people don't even end up with a job in their major anyway. I'll let life lead me where it does, and if I don't like that job, then it's a good thing I've chosen a versatile major. I'm a hard worker with many passions; I'm confident that I'll end up fine without compromising my sanity along the way.
Of course, this isn't saying I'm dropping out of school to live my life out of my parents' basement. I still put effort into school, and it shows. But when I'm pushed beyond my limit, I'm no longer afraid to let it all go. It's not the end of the world if I don't spend hours studying for a test and instead bond with new friends, and it's not the end of the world if I don't know what I'll be doing out of college.
The biggest lesson I have learned over the past few years is the value of putting yourself first. Let the little things go. Life will work itself out because it always has. Now is the time to enjoy the ride.