From a young age, the idea of finding your true love is interwoven into our understanding of happiness and success. What starts as listening attentively to stories of princesses finding their princes blossoms into whispered names carried among the giggles of your friends who have just found out about your not-so-secret crush; perhaps a stolen kiss on the cheek from That Boy who makes you laugh and lets you put your head on his shoulder. Pop culture idealizes finding your true love in countless movies and through song lyrics. We are taught to love love. In fact, we become so hopelessly enthralled in it that we place it at the forefront of our aspirations. And, as time passes, our desperation to experience it grows into an insatiable force.
The funny thing about love, well, the two funny things about love, are that one, it can bring the best and the worst out in someone and two, no one can really define it. Trying to fit the concept of love into the restrictive bounds of mere words seems to disgrace its very wonder. Love exists as this magic that can lift someone up to insurmountable heights. People are blinded by it and inspired to write poetry, music and plays all about love. Love gives us the comfort that no matter how bad things may be, we have someone who will be there regardless. It equips us with the strength and confidence to overcome challenges and break boundaries. Isn't it amazing that we can even forgive things we ordinarily hate just because we love someone? This blinding nature, however, is where the danger in love originates.
The problem isn't love, per se. The problem is how strongly people, particularly young adults, desire to have it and, in turn, prioritize it over more important things such as their education or career. I'm sure we've all been discouraged to date by our parents and older relatives who try to convince us that having a significant other is a terrible distraction and honestly, they're right. In many cases, young people lack the emotional and mental maturity to handle a relationship and bite off more than they can chew. They treat even early relationships like they're going to get married. I suppose that's part of the "magic" of young love, but one must also remember to be realistic and level-headed.
When young adults prioritize romantic love, they neglect not only tending to their professional aspirations, but also proper self-care. I can't even tell you how many times I've been told that it's best to find your husband in college because it's much harder to date once you graduate. College students, especially, forget that college is the time for self-discovery, personal growth and preparing yourself for your career. It's your last chance to devote most of your time to making sure you are equipped with the necessary skills to join the workforce. Four years is not as much time as you may think.
One of my biggest pet peeves is people who ditch their friends for their significant other. In the end, the relationships usually end and the friend comes crawling back as if nothing happened. Unfortunately, if you do this enough times, you won't have any friends to go crawling back to. College is the time to not only build your career but also build lasting friendships you can cherish for many years to come. This not only provides social growth but also professional networking opportunities that can come in handy when you need it the most. A healthy relationship should never lead you to neglecting your respective friends and family. Having lives apart from each other is just as important as having lives together.
I believe that relationships should never entail two people "completing" each other. Healthy relationships require two whole parts coming together to make something even greater. College is not the time to stress over finding a husband. It's the time to focus on being the best version of yourself that you can be and laying a strong foundation for your career so that when the time comes, you will have just as much to bring to the table as your significant other. Even then, your motivation shouldn't be reforming to please someone else. Now is the time to be a little selfish and make moves to get it together. Would you rather be known as _____, someone's significant other or _____, that person who actually accomplished something?
People come and go; it's a fact of life. The only thing that you can truly rely on is yourself. This being said, it's incredibly important to be confident and content with you are and what you do. When I was feeling discouraged and sad that I was single, my best friend gave me a pep talk that re-invigorated me to continue being productive. She told me something that I ended up saving so I could reread it whenever I was feeling a little down.
She said, "someone out there is going to be the one for you and no matter what you do, they'll only come when the time is right. And when that happens, it'll be completely worth it so you can only live each day being the happiest you can be, doing what you wanna do and not worrying about when someone will come because they will". Don't try and grow up so fast that you forget to learn from the steps it takes to get there in the first place.
