I lay awake in bed, desperately trying to fall asleep. I feel empty and weightless, like I need to be doing something with my brain in order to believe I'm truly here. My decade-old Hello Kitty alarm clock glows "12:00".

My mind finds a song somewhere in there and I think,

When the zeros line up on the 24-hour clock,
When you know who's calling even though the number is blocked

Leave it to an Arctic Monkeys song to bring me out of my funk and pull me into a different one: nostalgia. Something possesses me to reach for my laptop and do something I haven't done in far too long — listen to music simply for the sake of listening to music. Not while working out, not while studying, not while driving.

I open up Spotify and search for the song I was thinking of. I realize I don't even remember the name, so I Google the lyrics. Ah, "Knee Socks". I notice that I added it to my Spotify playlist on May 15th, 2013. I click play.

I think back to that time in my life: How was I feeling? Who was I spending time with? What did I do with my time? Suddenly, as the song plays on, I remember everything.

Every too-dramatic feeling comes rushing back from when I was a sixteen-year-old who wanted the world. I remember wanting freedom to stay out late, friends to stay out late with, boys to like me, constant adventure, you name it. I feel warmly comforted by this memory, how my feelings of dissatisfaction with life and overall teenage angst have since disappeared.

Next, I play "Stay Young, Go Dancing" by Death Cab For Cutie. I instantly remember driving with friends to the State Fair and playing this song in the car (on August 2nd, 2013, to be exact).

Life is sweet
In the belly of the beast

I recall having some sort of emotional breakdown and staying up until 5 a.m. the night before going to the fair. Listening to this song made me feel like everything was going to be alright. Life is still sweet in the belly of the beast.

I scroll through my playlist and another song catches my eye: "Flesh and Bone" by The Killers, added on January 20th, 2014.

Cut from the cloth, of a flag that bears the name of "Battle Born"
And they'll call me the contender
They'll listen for the bell
With my face flashing crimson from the fires of Hell

This was it. This was my "pump-up song" of junior year, or whatever you want to call a song that gets someone through both pre-calculus tests and suicidal ideation. I was Battle Born, no matter how big or small the battle was. I feel at ease once again upon realizing my strength.

Scrolling further, I smile as I see the song "Uptown Funk" by Bruno Mars.

This hit, that ice cold
Michelle Pfeiffer, that white gold
This one for them hood girls
Them good girls straight masterpieces

This was the anthem of my Senior Ball in January 2015, where I slowly but surely left all of my inhibitions behind and danced my heart out with some great friends. A series of unfortunate events took place and one of my parents made me come home at 10 o'clock, but nonetheless, I had a wonderful time. This song solely reminds me of the good parts of that night.

I keep scrolling and reading many song titles ...

"Somebody Told Me" by The Killers: "What is that crap you're listening to?", asked the boy in my math class who I had a crush on. Rude.

"Love is Overrated" by Shwayze: I was obviously confused and hormonal. Love is not overrated. I roll my eyes.

"Thinking of You" by Test Your Relex: I fell in love for the first time and danced to this song as it played in grocery stores.

Way too many songs by Bright Eyes: Way too many sad, sad thoughts. Ugh.

"Ways to Go" by Grouplove: While there are ways to go, I knew I had a ways to go.

"January White" by Sleeping at Last: I had hope for the future. Every day can be a January 1st.

I press pause and close my laptop. I somehow feel better; I feel whole. Full of super-charged memories and feelings, I turn over and fall asleep.

Before that night, I had forgotten about how much music means to me. When I remembered to really listen, I remembered so much of myself. Sometimes it's easier to just forget about the past, but being reminded of your hardships and random, happy memories can make your life seem so much more real.