Ever since I was young, it has always been difficult for me to express my emotions and feelings for and to someone. I don't know why or if something caused it, but I know that it is not mentally healthy for someone to keep their emotions inside them. I have always tried to express my emotions verbally, but it never seemed to work. It feels like I can't physically make myself speak those words. But one day, all changed for a period of 30 minutes, and I realized, it is such a relief when you are able to verbally express your feelings to someone, especially when they are always bottled up inside. It felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders.
The emotions I was trying to share with someone basically summed up to, "I am confused." But as I kept speaking, I was able to sort and figure out what those confusing feelings actually mean. It got easier as I kept speaking. I am not an emotional person. Speaking about my feelings was not easy for me at all. It felt like one of the most difficult things I had to do. It took me so long to even get a single word out of my mouth, but when I did, everything just flowed out, even if it wasn't as smoothly as I had hoped. I also felt vulnerable when explaining my emotions. I felt that at the slightest touch, I would break.
Even though those 30 minutes of pouring my heart out were only one of the tiniest fractions of my life, I think that breakthrough is going to be something that will help me in the future, and I did learn a lot in that period. Keeping those emotions inside without verbalizing them is mentally exhausting. When I let it all out, it felt so good. It made me feel better.
If you ever have the opportunity to express emotions and feelings, please go for it. You have no idea what good it will do you unless you actually do it. I felt like I accomplished something. It felt like I took a step forward from where I was. Not only do I think this will help me express my feelings in the future, but I also think that it helped me recognize exactly what I was feeling. Verbally expressing these words made my feelings more clear to me and to the person I was telling them to.
The one thing that I do regret is the overthinking of what needed to be said. I kept trying to find the exact words to say, and I thought that whatever I was going to say was not the correct thing to say or the right way to say it. Let me tell you: none of that matters. As long as those feelings are out in the open, it doesn't matter if you don't say it perfectly. It's the effort that counts.
So please, if you are one of those people that do not verbally express their emotions, take this piece of advice from someone who is exactly like you: Say it. Speak it all. Let it all out. You will never know what something this small can do for you. Something that seems so insignificant can have the greatest impact.
