In a previous article I wrote about a month ago, I described how you should keep the focus of your life on you. I plan to expand on a part of that idea here, namely this idea that you can be a hero to someone. I'll give a little context here first so that I sound a bit more grounded. Back in high school, I romanticized the idea of reaching out to someone through my work or just by being in the right place when someone else needed me. I talked people down off of metaphorical ledges (and a few real ones), I reassured friends that their decisions were sound and valid, and I made sure everyone I cared about knew how important they were to me. All the time. For about five years.
At the same time, my own mental health decayed. Friends that I'd had who knew almost all my secrets had gone away to who-knows-where. I lost contact with all but a handful of people I knew, and I felt alone. To compensate, I took it upon myself to, as the Wonder Years put it, " try to be some great, white hope." The favor was seldom returned. I felt as though all the extra work I was putting in was met with silence, or worse, disapproval. What was more, I kept asking myself, "Why are you doing this? Is it really the right thing if you're miserable all the time? You're caring about other peoples' problems more than they are while letting yours devour you- is that healthy?"
Obviously, the answer was no. Any good comic book or movie will tell you that heroes don't go looking for recognition or fame, they do what they do simply because it is right or just. I kept picturing myself as more important than I was, fixing problems I more than likely had no right to be a part of. I gave answers even when the question was never asked of me, a trait I later found out other people despised about me. Around a year and a half ago, a good friend gave me a piece of advice I never thought I needed:
"You can't be a rescuer again. It's not your job to fix another person."
Reaching out and helping someone else shouldn't be a reason to think that you're better than anyone else- that in itself is selfish and arrogant. Just because you save some children from a burning building doesn't mean you're automatically a great person. Hell, you could have been the one to start the fire and just felt guilty about it.
Guilt, self-fulfillment, and feeding a superiority complex are not good reasons to try and be an example of what is right. The same goes for loving the person or being talked into it; you have to WANT to do the right thing for the idea of no reward. And this will hardly ever apply to real life unless you do charity work. In terms of regular people like friends and family, your rescuing efforts are best left to the side. Go into something with the idea that no one owes you anything. Expectations and "should have's" will be the death of you. Don't let your ego do the talking, and don't get upset when you don't get the applause you wanted.
Looking back on it, I see myself as a young, stupid kid that I want to talk some sense into. You can't be a hero if you can't rescue yourself. Be your own hero, know your worth, and stand up for yourself before anything else. Don't try to be more than you are. Recognize that you are only human. Be honorable and decent, not this mislead, comic book ideal of "heroic." No one is ever going to ask you to die in order to save New York City, or to stop the meteor from hitting the Earth. Being who you are is the greatest favor you can do for anyone you love. No masks, no lies: to yourself or otherwise.
"When everyone's super, no one will be." - The Incredibles
"Adventure, heh... Excitment, heh... A Jedi craves not these things." - The Empire Strikes Back
