What is something so many people fear? Most commonly, "disappointing myself" and "failure" come to mind. Why are we so afriad to fail? Why are we so afraid of facing imperfection?

I have a bit of "rebelism" and perfectionism in my blood, and between the two, sometimes I get caught up with what I need and what I want.

When it comes to important decisions I've had to make for myself, everytime I have tapped into my rebel side, I've ended up achieving exactly what it is I'm after. Everytime I have appeased the perfectionist in me, I reflect on my decision and shake my head. I know I could've been more creative or could have satisfied my true desires if only I had given up on the idea that something had to be "perfect."

Nothing is perfect. No one is perfect. Life gets so much easier once we admit that to ourselves. We often think our significant other is perfect, and that's not true. We can be so blinded by the good in something that we forget everything has a past. As great as something is, nobody learns through being perfect. Let me be cliché, a diamond is manufactured to perfection, but it was born through dirt.

It was my senior year of high school, and I had played on the soccer team for three years, and my fourth year I planned to play also. I attended practice and a few games, but the atmosphere of the team was disorganized and unfulfilling. I didn't care that we never won. We didn't have great coaches, we definitely didn't have great players, but I enjoyed the girls on the team and the friends I had made because of our commitment to the team. I also loved that my mom showed up to every game I ever played, and that she was my greatest supporter throughout my sports career. However, the coaches were plain terrible; they lacked any control or skills to better a team. It wasn't all their fault, I can see why coaching a team of unorganized and unskilled girls could be frustrating. We can't all be Coach Carter. But against any advice, and whatever sort of label would be attached to me leaving the team, I quit.

I didn't care about being a "quitter." I cared about my mental health. I didn't know it at the time, but leaving something behind that made me so unhappy benefitted me in a way that changed me until this day. You don't have to stick with something that does not promote your best self. Some people are stuck in jobs they hate because they need to feed their kids and pay their bills, but that's good; that is strong will. They have a powerful mind, and I praise them. But for a school sports team? That is supposed to be a fun, learning environment. I remember the day I said I won't return to the soccer team. We had lost to Derby, probably the worst team in the league after us, we played terribly, and we were messy. We probably "should have won." After the game, we ran suicides for however long, and as mad as I was, I knew they weren't right for making us run. I'm not one to defy authority, but I had no respect for their coaching styles, and I pity their sense of team cohesion. Mainly, because they lacked any ability to create that. Even if I would have no senior night, even if everyone thought I was a quitter, that was better than being on a team, pretending I had coaches that gave a shit about the team they had "jurisdiction" over. I laugh at the thought of that.

So I had a weight lifted off of my shoulder, but I wanted to try something new, so my friend suggested I dive. I had never dove before and had no experience in gymnastics. Well, I'm glad I took the chance, because for the first time in my entire life, I was on a team that understood team cohesion, patient and skilled coaches, eager athletes, and an enjoyable learning environment. My diving coach is an inspiration to my life in a way that he played such a subtle yet important role in my journey to becoming the type of person I want to become. To this day, in all of my Sport Psychology classes, when we are asked about a coach that has inspired us, I will always name Al, even though he is one coach I've spent the least amount of time being coached by. He was patient, he worked on my improvement, and he stressed fundamentals. He showed me excitement when I got something right, and he was never passive aggressive or "mad" when I couldn't execute something correctly.

This is not a tale of why we need participation awards — I actually really disagree with that. This is a story of why leaving behind things that do not allow growth in our life can put us on a path to somewhere we belong. Somewhere there are lighter shoulders, chests and easier breathing.

I want to stress that life is as chaotic as it is, do not be afraid. You can only be afraid if you are acting on decisions you are unsure of and have bad feelings about. Be your own best friend, and whatever doesn't kill you, motivates you to kick ass. Gravitate to where your energy thrives. And give up whatever makes you hate yourself.