Okay, I get it.
You really like or love this person, and you miss them. You're allowed to miss someone who you felt like you had a connection with, but don't go back to them.
They hurt you in the past and, the truth is, even if they said they changed, they didn't.
Nothing triggers me more than seeing someone keep going back to the person who keeps hurting them over and over again. Whether they hurt you by saying they don't want a relationship with you when that's what you thought you were getting into, or by being a complete asshole, they still hurt you.
They're going to keep hurting you, no matter how many times you go back to them.
You need to realize that the relationship you're trying to hold onto is toxic, and it's not going to work out. People never change, no matter how much they say they have.
I've been in this situation before. The guy ended things with me for some dumb reason and he'd block me on everything. Then, months later, he comes back and asks for another shot.
He says he's changed and begs me for another chance until I cave in. After a while, I realize why we were done in the first place. We end things again and I say we're done for good, but then the same thing happens all over again until I've finally had enough.
Once you say you're finished with someone for good, don't go back to them. They're just going to keep hurting you. Things won't change the second time around, and they DEFINITELY won't change the tenth time around.
Open your eyes and realize that this routine is unhealthy. Even if you guys do ~somehow~ make things work for a bit, things will eventually fall apart again.
I'm so tired of hearing and seeing people go back to the person who keeps hurting them.