There is nothing I hate more than doing something I just don’t want to do. Obviously, avoiding these instances in life is not always an option. Sometimes we may have to work a job we don’t like or do seemingly pointless homework for a class we are just not enjoying. But that should mean in the circumstances where we do have a choice, and an opportunity to say no, we should. If that’s what we really want.

You know there are some nights, weekends often, where all I want to do is lay in bed and watch Netflix or read a good book I’m in the middle of (I’m sure everyone can relate to one or both of those), but then I get a text. A friend is asking me to hang out, or go out, whatever it may be. Would that be fun? Sure, maybe. Do I want to do it having made up my mind about staying in for the night? Probably not. When this situation arises, I find myself in the midst of a dilemma. Do I go out anyway? Do I lie and say I have other plans? Or should I be honest and just say ‘no I feel like staying in tonight’?

In this day and age where people’s expectations of others run at a pretty consistent high, I find myself doing one of the first two things. I will either change my plans and potentially risk my enjoyment of that night for the sake of whoever is asking for my company, rather than risk someone questioning why I am saying no. Or I would rather lie, like when you’re younger and tell your friends that your parents won’t let you go out because then there’s no room for further questions. Or you pull the ‘I’m not feeling well card.’

But why should I have to do this? Why should anyone be afraid of just saying no. No one will think lesser of you. No one will stop wanting to spend time with you. If either of those things happened it’s maybe time to reassess who you’re spending your time with. There is no point dancing around the word. Just say no and move on.

I once had a friend ask me to go see a movie with them and I said no because I was not interested in the movie they were going to see. Instead of accepting my answer and letting it drop, this person kept pestering me with questions as to why I wouldn’t just go anyway. I had to explain my reasoning of most likely not enjoying myself and not wanting to spend money on a movie I didn’t care about. Why was I explaining? No matter how close I was with this person, I had no obligation to give them a response. “No” should have sufficed. It answers the question and that is all that was necessary.

I think this concept of the fear of ‘no’ extends far beyond simply refusing the making of plans. This idea extends to our everyday lives and how we carry and present ourselves to the world around us. We can’t be afraid to disagree when expectations to act a certain way are bestowed upon us. Obviously, it is important to help others and put ourselves aside a lot of the time for the sake of others, but putting ourselves second in any given situation makes doing for others a little more grating each time we do it. Sometimes it is necessary to have time to ourselves or to say no without being questioned. We don’t owe anyone an explanation for doing what we choose to do.

Life is all about finding balance in anything and everything we do. A balance between friends and family. A balance between fun and education. A balance between doing for others and doing for ourselves. Let’s put aside the stigma that saying ‘no’ always has to be a negative thing. Let’s put aside the idea that putting ourselves over others on some occasions makes us selfish, no fun, a loner, or anything other judgment people want to throw around.

No is a powerful word. It’s as powerful as saying yes, but yes comes with less judgment. I don’t want to explain myself anymore, and neither should you.