Let me start off by saying that I know body image is not everything. Despite knowing this fact, sometimes this thought that I am "overweight" consumes my entire world.
I first started struggling with my body image when I gained weight in my bust, stomach, and thighs during puberty. During this time, I remember getting out of the shower every night and praying to God about how I wanted to look when I was older. I wanted a chest but not too big, I wanted to look healthy but not overweight, and I wanted to be beautiful but not like a Barbie.
People usually call me "skinny" when they first see me. Even though I hear people say this, my brain still leads me to believe that I am not skinny. That I need to be skinnier to be pretty.
Part of the problem is that I was not totally comfortable in my own skin. But who is in middle school?
High school is where my issues really started. I played sports and was decently in shape, though I always looked at other girls and thought, "Why don't I look like them?"
During my senior year of high school, I hated my body so much. I decided to change my lifestyle in a very unhealthy way. I limited myself to eating one small salad during lunch and maybe a snack at night. Every night, I would run a couple of miles and lift weights.
I am a person who loves food and also stress eats, so this was a difficult lifestyle change for me. I also remember constantly having zero energy and the things that brought me happiness did not have meaning anymore.
I lost probably 15 lbs and weighed in at 123 at my worst point (I am 5'9"). This was not a healthy look for me. My shoulder and collar bones were very visible and my mom started getting concerned for my health. I was always sick because my immune system could not fend for itself.
I eventually could no longer starve myself and I ended up gaining even more weight than I had lost.
This is NOT healthy.
I am now 18 years old and about to be a freshman in college. I am currently 5'9" and 135 lbs. This is MY version of healthy!
Going into college, I now know a little more about my body and how to take care of myself. I am also working on my self-esteem every day.
I now try to eat healthier meals, workout 2-3 times a week, and drink plenty of water. I also know that I can go to Andy's and get my favorite ice cream and not feel bad about myself the next day.
Part of my body image issues came from seeing other people. The internet makes it impossible to simply love yourself and be confident. Literally everything on the internet is photoshopped or edited in some way.
I also want to talk about how Tik Tok and Instagram have both set impossible standards. Young girls looking at this media are being poisoned into thinking they have to be "perfect," or they are not beautiful.
This is so very toxic! Not only to women everywhere but to young girls growing up thinking this is the way the world works.
Everyone is different. What works for one person might not work for someone else. It is important to not judge others and focus on our own journeys.
The truth is, there are always going to be girls skinnier and prettier than you.
There are going to be girls that have things that you don't. This applies to careers, skills, bodies, and personality traits. We are not perfect, we are human.
The key is to appreciate what you have. It is good to be happy with someone! Chances are, you are going to get jealous in your lifetime. It is how you move on after you have the feeling...how can you better your own life?
