About a month ago, I was shopping at the mall with my best friend. She was trying on some clothes in the changing room and I was still browsing around. I walked down the aisle and three high-school-aged guys shamelessly looked me up and down.

I was not dressed suggestively. I was in mid-thigh shorts and my sorority tank top.

Why should it even matter what I am wearing? Why should I have to defend myself and even mention my apparel?

A few nights ago, I was at my boyfriend’s house until about 11 P.M. We got in the car for him to drive me home and there were some kids across the street who appeared to be working over a possibly broken bike. We minded our own business, got in the car and started driving. I could tell he was still looking at the boys as we pulled away from his house.

My boyfriend said, “I wonder if they have a flat. Should I ask?”

Without thinking too far into it, I replied, “Well, since I’m a woman, I would just keep driving.”

I didn’t know how old these boys were. I didn’t know if they had a flat tire or if the chain on their bike broke, or if their headlight was out. I didn’t care.

I was afraid of them cat calling me. I was afraid of them checking me out. I was afraid of making eye contact with one of them.

Today at work, I was waiting on tables and an older gentleman in a wheelchair sat alone at a table. Being the good waitress I try to be and, to be honest, hoping for a good tip, I tried to strike up a conversation with him.

What a mistake.

This man, who was maybe 50 or 60 years old, began asking me very uncomfortable questions such as how old I am, if I’m single and other just plain inappropriate questions.

Every time I went to his table to check on him, he tried to make me linger. He tried to strike up conversation with me and every time I walked away, he stared at my butt.

I was afraid to go to his table after my first trip there. I was afraid he was going to make eye contact with me and ask me more inappropriate questions. I was afraid of this man.

At first I was upset because I couldn’t feel safe in my own place of work and I was upset that he was being so suggestive and inappropriate.

I realized later however, that I don’t feel safe anywhere. I am a small 19-year-old girl who weighs approximately 105 lbs. I could never fight off a predator.

In all these instances, I felt unsafe and objectified. I don’t understand why it’s a normal thing for women in this day and age to feel this way.

Let’s talk dress codes.

First and foremost, I do not think it’s appropriate for girls to wear crop tops and booty shorts at school. I don’t think it’s necessary for guys to wear bro tanks with arm holes cut down to their shorts. I believe in modesty and self-dignity.

But my tank top straps that are one inch thick? My skirt that reaches half a centimeter above my fingertips? My yoga pants that literally cover my entire legs?

I think a huge problem about this misogynistic mindset is that these dress code rules do not only apply to middle school and high school students, but to young primary and elementary-aged girls.

The school system is teaching young, impressionable little girls that it’s not okay to be comfortable with their bodies. They are teaching them to cover their non-existent breasts. They are teaching them that no, they cannot pick out any dress they want when they go shopping with mom because it’s “not school appropriate”.

Why are we living in a world where I have to worry about my 5-year-old daughter being sent home because her sundress has spaghetti straps?

School is a place for learning, I understand that. But why are females being told to cover up their bodies because it’s distracting to the 17-year-old perv next to me who will get a boner if he sees my bare shoulder?

But guess what? By some miracle, boys can pay attention in class, control their sexual urges, and not rape people in college… where there is no dress code. Wow.

Teaching young men that it is the woman’s fault for dressing “provocatively” not only makes them think that their actions are acceptable depending upon what the woman is wearing, but it appropriates rape culture.

This is why so many men in this day and age think it’s okay to rape a woman based on how she looks and ultimately how comfortable she is in her own body.

Let’s talk about alcohol.

It should not matter if I’ve had one or two or three or six drinks. Alcohol is not an excuse for rape.

Let me repeat that. Alcohol is not an excuse for rape.

Let’s use the infamous Brock Turner incident that the media has gotten ahold of in the past few weeks.

This 23-year-old woman was in no state to say yes. The “20 minutes of action” that was inflicted upon this woman, who will be scarred for the next several weeks, months, years, of her life, is being brushed off by men who believe that she was “asking for it”.

Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of supporters behind this woman who was indeed raped. However, there are several Brock Turner supporters as well.

“He’s an athlete at Standford”, “His whole life is now forever changed because of one mistake”, “He’s so torn up about this; he won’t even eat his favorite snacks”.

No.

I saw a quote the other day of Facebook that went something along the lines of “Brock Turner isn’t an athlete who made a mistake; he’s a rapist who can swim”.

The woman he raped will never be the same. She will endure the pain of Brock Turner’s actions for the rest of her life. She will have to face the hatred of Brock Turner’s supporters saying that she ruined his life.

The rapist is not the innocent one. The rapist has no excuse. Why does society advocate for him then?

I wish women didn’t have to deal with this lifestyle. We are taught from a young age to not speak to strangers and as we grow up, it’s “don’t talk to strange men”.

I wish I could walk down the street after sunset and not be afraid of someone grabbing me. I wish I didn’t have to carry pepper spray with me “just in case”.

I wish I didn’t have to read headlines in the news about a young woman getting raped and actually receiving hatred for it.

I wish things were different.

Things will never change based on fear and hatred; there is enough of that in the world. Change will only come with the willingness to accept and love others.

You can always teach young women to cover themselves up, to watch their drinks, to not speak to men, but guess what? Women will still get raped. Women will still get hit on and cat called and be treated inappropriately to the point where they are so uncomfortable, they don’t know what to do.

It’s time that both males and females are educated. Males need to be taught from a young age that consent is necessary in every kind of relationship. Males need to be taught that females are not sexual items used for their pleasure.

Females need to be taught to stand up for themselves against scumbags who try to take advantage of them. We need to be taught not to cover ourselves and hide our bodies and voices and opinions, but learn how to properly defend ourselves verbally and physically.

Assault and violence and rape will never go away. There will always be mentally ill people in this world who believe that taking advantage of men and women is ok. Rape culture however, can be prevented.

In generations to come, we can teach our children to respect each other; to love each other, and that consent is all it takes to have a balanced relationship.

In the future, I hope that men and women will have equal rights. I hope that men and women are placed on the same level of hierarchy and respected as humans, not as genders.

I hope that the objectification of women will become obsolete and that we as people realize that there doesn’t need to be violence and inequality in the world.

More than anything, I hope that when I am a mother, I don’t have to worry about my daughter getting assaulted on her way home or raped in college. I hope I can send her off to school in a tasteful outfit and not worry about her getting sent home because her bra strap was visible for a few seconds. I hope I don’t have to worry about her new boyfriend because I know he was raised on the basis of respect and consent.

I hope she doesn’t have to live in a world like I do.