I wish I could say I have never had a toxic friendship. In fact, I've had this friendship for many years. Why have I never left though? Is it because I have faith in this person? Or is it because I'm afraid of being left behind? Whatever it may be, I know it's not healthy. Which is why I want to help everyone identify a toxic friendship and maybe we can figure out together how to take care of it.
The first step to identify a toxic friendship is to focus on how they respond to your issues. No matter how big or small a problem is, a true friend is always there for you to give you real and sound advice. A toxic friend though, usually flips the conversation to be about them or they tell you that your problems don't matter. Look for their body language when you talk to them. If they seem out of focus, bored, or even agitated, their probably going to tell you something that will only hurt you, not help you. Now I understand that sometimes the truth hurts, but the situation that I'm discussing is when hurtful comments aren't necessary.
The next thing you can look out for is how they talk to you about your looks or your personality. Yes, I get it that some friends' dynamics involve a little roasting here and there, but when it's to the point where you say you think you look cute, and they call you ugly is where the line is drawn. If your friends are supportive of you and the way you look, they shouldn't be your friends.
Another thing to look out for is being flakey. There is a difference between having actual things to do and cancelling either "just because" or to go hangout with another friend. If you have planned a day or even a couple hours with them, they should be wanting to spend that time with you. Certain circumstances go against this rule, but the majority of the time it's not ok.
The last thing you can look out for is the "hurt and apologize" tactic. If your friend is toxic towards you then you will notice a lot that they will say hurtful things and then apologize for them. This is not a healthy habit, at all. If they were truly sorry they would fix their actions and not continue. Sometimes this tactic can be changed into the "hurt and ignore" which basically means they will tear you down and then act like nothing happened. I can't tell you how many times this has happened to me, and I believe that it's happened to you too.
Stay aware of snakes that hide in tall grass, and remember that toxic people's words aren't true. You are loved and you are enough.
