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To My First Love

If you ever read this I hope you know I meant every word and it was written from the heart.

soyjenniferrr

Sep 16, 2019

Missouri State University

Photo by Jonathan Borba from Pexels

I met you on November 10th 2015 and we started dating on April 28th 2016.

We broke up twice but officially broke up in March of 2018.

Not a day goes by where I don't think about you. Trust me when I say this.

I did not want our relationship to end in the first place but it was toxic for both of us. As much as we tried fixing things, we weren't getting anywhere and all we did was argue more and more.

It was always hard being away from you, seeing you once a month or once every couple of months. They say "amor de lejos es amor de pendejos" but the love we had for each other made the distance worth it. At the end we knew we would see each other and be together.

Things got rough after our break up, although we said we'd continue as friends we both knew it would be hard for the both of us.

We shared so many memories, good and bad, where we laughed and we cried.

Our love wasn't accepted by some. That didn't stop us from seeing each other.

I was able to be myself with you, I never had to worry about you thinking bad about me because you were just as weird as I am.

You were so goofy, so funny, so different (in a good way obviously).

You made me happy, you made me feel loved, you helped me love myself.

You were my partner in crime, LITERALLY! I got my first speeding ticket with you *laughs nervously*

I know you think that I wanted to change you, but I never wanted to change you as a person. I was just trying to help you realize that some of the people you were hanging out with weren't good people to have around you. I was trying to keep you safe, keep you healthy, keep you on this earth with me by my side!

I wish you would realize I just wanted what was best for you!!

Anytime I heard something bad about you, back then and now, it would break my heart.

People don't know you the way I did.

You're not a bad person,

It's September 11th, 2019, it breaks my heart to see how things have gone downhill.

But no matter what you've done, what people say, nothing will change the fact that I will always love you.

I'm praying for you.

Lastly, just know that I will always be here for you, and you will ALWAYS be in my heart.

I wish you the best in life.

8.28.2016

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To My First Love

If you ever read this I hope you know I meant every word and it was written from the heart.

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All names should be "unisex names."

1. Communicating via email can be awkward.

2. Appointments usually accompany weird looks.

3. Introducing yourself to someone is never without a hitch.

4. You’ve probably thought about changing your name.

5. You’re often asked why you have the name you do.

6. You get excited when you meet someone of your gender with your name.

7. You feel awkward when you meet someone of the opposite gender with your name.

8. You’ve had someone say to you, “I knew a [your name], but they were [your opposite gender].”

9. You’ve heard a bad joke/pick-up line or two about your name before.

10. People are surprised when they see you.

11. You’re extra sensitive to other unique or unisex names.

12. You’ve fought with your parents about it.

13. All things considered, you’re happy your name makes you unique.

You know that all of these things apply to you. You'll just never tell.

I get it... I'm pale.

1. At least I can't lose you in a crowd!

2. Oh my goodness your skin is like glow-in-the-dark.

3. Can't you just get fake tan?

4. Do you tan or just burn?

5. Your kids are going to look like Casper the Friendly Ghost!

6. *holds arm against your arm* Look how much darker I am compared to you!

7. *holds pale arm against another pale arm* Aw, at least you're darker than her!

8. I laid out by the pool almost every day over break!

9. I haven't used sunscreen since I was, like, five.

10. *adjusts selfie lighting to their face* Oops, where'd you go??

11. *after working out* Your face is SO red!

12. *wears white* Look! You're all one color!

13. You need to get some sun.

14. Aren't you excited for summer?

The struggle bus is real.

1. Child prodigies:

2. Hearing other musicians in the practice room next door and accepting that you will never be as talented as them:

3. That anxiety that takes over before every performance:

4. Taking a million 0 credit classes:

5. When there's a paper due the next day, but you have to attend yet another concert in order to pass a 0 credit class:

6. When your friends try to encourage you after a performance, even though you are criticizing everything in your mind:

7. Knowing that there's always that one professor during juries:

8. The oh-so-attractive band/choir uniforms:

9. Realizing that a college campus is maybe not the best atmosphere to finish your latest composition:

10. Hearing "Oh, you sing opera? I LOVE Phantom of the Opera!" for the hundredth time:

11. When people think finals week is a breeze for you.

12. When you're drowning in the stress that comes with 18+ credits (and not to mention all those 0 credit classes) and people ask you how you are:

13. When it all comes down to it, though, you know that at the end of the day, music is your passion:

Because you need it in your life.

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6. holds arm against your arm Look how much darker I am compared to you!

7. holds pale arm against another pale arm Aw, at least you're darker than her!

10. adjusts selfie lighting to their face Oops, where'd you go??

11. after working out Your face is SO red!

12. wears white Look! You're all one color!