If you follow the hot mess that is the President-elect’s twitter feed, you know Donald Trump can’t land a musical performer to grace the stage at his inauguration. The presidential inauguration is merely a month away, and with no performer lined up, it looks like The Donald might have to improvise. In an interview with Vanity Fair, Idina Menzel, the voice of Elsa from Disney’s Frozen had a brilliant suggestion: “Maybe he’ll just have to sing something himself. He probably thinks he has a great voice; he thinks he does everything great.” Mr. Trump, if you’re reading this, allow me to suggest a few heart-warming tunes that fit your vocal range and that will surely delight the American people:
“Just a Friend” by Biz Markie
I have complete faith that Trump could replicate this song beautifully. It could also serve as an ode to the American people as they face the inevitable break-up with Barack Obama.
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“Say My Name” by Destiny’s Child
Throughout the election cycle, the President-elect took on an almost Voldemort-like infamy as people began to avoid uttering that name — Donald J. Trump. This song can be a plea to the country to put that aside and bop for the next four years.
“I Love Rock & Roll” by Joan Jett and the Blackhearts
If this song can show the world that Britney Spears was the only truly talented member of a trio of road-tripping teenage girls, it might show America that they can trust an orange-tinted, clueless, failed businessman to run the country.
“Sorry” by Justin Bieber
This song might be out of Trump’s vocal range, but I think the message is one that should be heard by numerous groups and individuals that have met the wrath of The Donald’s reckless speech—even if it really is too late to say sorry. Sorry, Mexican-Americans. Sorry, Black Lives Matter. Sorry, Hillary Clinton…
“I Was Only Joking” by Rod Stewart
This song is a chance for Trump to pull back the curtain and snap out of the terrifying joke that was his campaign and reassure the country that he’s not really a bigoted dope of a president. Then America can pretend this was all just a big musical farce just for giggles.
Start practicing, Donald! The inauguration is just around the corner.
