Donald Trump has flipped the political world upside down this past year. He has said so many outrageous things that no other politician could say and still have a chance at winning the presidency. The man pretty much eats third rails for breakfast.
He is an egotistical idiot who spouts hatred everywhere he goes and has the attention span of a rodent, but the one thing he’s never failed to do is make me laugh. Not in a way that’s funny, but by way of pushing the boundaries of stupidity, irony, and just plain shocking quotes. Here are some of my favorites.
1. “I think apologizing’s a great thing, but you have to be wrong. I will absolutely apologize, sometime in the hopefully distant future, if I’m ever wrong.” — on The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon in September 2015
Isn’t this just the epitome of who Donald Trump is as a person. Sure, I mean I’d love to apologize. It’s awesome. In fact, I bet nobody apologizes better than me. I mean I’ve never done it before, but how hard could it be right? Really, Donald, you don’t think you’ll be wrong in the future? Ever? Not once? Ok, guy.
2. "Who knows?" –Donald Trump, when asked if he would start a war with China as president, New York Times interview, March 25, 2016
Who knows? I may not know enough about the subject to give you a specific answer if I’d start a war with China. And to tell you the truth, you probably couldn’t locate China on a globe, but it sounds cool, right? Yes, Donald go ahead and start a war with China, and see how that goes over. I can’t tell which is worse! The fact that he literally has no idea if he would or that he’s contemplating a war in the first place.
3. "We won with poorly educated. I love the poorly educated." –Donald Trump on his performance with poorly educated voters who helped him win the Nevada Caucus, Feb. 23, 2016
I’m stupid, you’re stupid, hey, let’s be friends! He is excited ignorant people voted for him. That’s not necessarily bad in it of itself because ignorant people voting for a candidate isn’t a partisan issue, but you lead in that category. And most importantly, he's going to brag about it. Donald Trump will find any way to brag about himself and how awesome he is; I find it extremely amusing.
4. "I know more about ISIS than the generals do, believe me... I would bomb the sh**t out of them." –Donald Trump, Nov. 13, 2015
How ironic is it that a draft dodger is saying that he knows more than generals about war? Never mind the fact that his plan, to bomb "the sh*t" out of them, is something that we’re already doing. This guy knows no bounds when it comes to irony. You know more about ISIS than the people who have all the information about ISIS know about ISIS? Great, Donald.
5. "I think I am, actually humble. I think I'm much more humble than you would understand." –Donald Trump, 60 Minutes interview, July 17, 2016
I had to save the best for last. This is my all-time favorite quote said by anyone past, present, and possibly future. Every single word in this sentence needs to be exactly where it is for this gem to come alive. You're so humble you don’t even have the brain capacity to understand how humble you are? The level of cognitive dissonance in this statement is astounding and I laugh every time I see, or hear it. I’m laughing right now typing this paragraph out. How does one brag about being humble? Donald Trump found a way and it’s absolutely hilarious, as much as it is jaw dropping. I couldn’t write a better script for a character on a sitcom that has bigger ego than this, and would say something like that. Pure genius and he didn’t even know it.
Well, these are my favorite quotes. I hope you got a good laugh out of them as much as I did. One of my favorite pastimes is making fun Mr. Trump and I figured why not do it in writing form where 20 people or so can maybe get a chuckle out of it as well.
