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Politics and Activism

Donald Trump's Christmas List

To put it lightly, Donald, you're on the naughty list this year.

Liam Dacko

Dec 22, 2015

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We know The Donald is probably anti-Christmas (after all, the holiday revolves around an illegal alien from the North Pole hopping our border to break into people's homes), but we figured we'd go ahead and make out his Christmas list anyway. Check out what we think Trump deserves under his tree this year (you know, other than a lump of coal):

1. Some bricks and mortar: how else do you think he's gonna build that wall?

2. An American-born wife: he'll need a new spouse if he carries out his plans to say "adios" to all immigrants.

3. An Ancestry.com membership: just in case anyone starts questioning his citizenship.

4. Some tasty human flesh to munch on.

5. His own Kardashian-style reality show.

6. Nipple covers: we know how he feels about nipples.

7. A new pet.

8. A new endorsement deal.

9. An appointment with a speech therapist.

10. Some clown make-up to run an honest president campaign.

11. A mistress who looks exactly like his daughter.

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Donald Trump's Christmas List

To put it lightly, Donald, you're on the naughty list this year.

1. Some bricks and mortar: how else do you think he's gonna build that wall?

2. An American-born wife: he'll need a new spouse if he carries out his plans to say "adios" to all immigrants.

3. An Ancestry.com membership: just in case anyone starts questioning his citizenship.

4. Some tasty human flesh to munch on.

5. His own Kardashian-style reality show.

6. Nipple covers: we know how he feels about nipples.

7. A new pet.

8. A new endorsement deal.

9. An appointment with a speech therapist.

10. Some clown make-up to run an honest president campaign.

11. A mistress who looks exactly like his daughter.

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There are plenty of obstacles that come when taking care of kids, but it's a very rewarding experience.

1. You get excited when the parents purchase season passes to the pool.

2. You've become friends with the stay-at-home moms in town.

3. You get a chance to eat "kid foods" again.

4. You've traded in your cute purse for a large tote bag.

5. You have at least one car seat in your backseat.

6. Their nap time is your happy time.

7. Lunch time can be a disaster.

8. You have to play the same board games repeatedly.

9. You catch yourself using the same lines your parents once told you.

10. Your "mom-mode" kicks in at times.

11. Your heart melts a little when they do something cute.

You'll never find any souvenirs with your name on it

1. You know you are up next when the teacher pauses while taking attendance

2. When “I’m going to do my very best to make sure I know all your names” is said, it may or may be an empty promise

3. “Wow! That sounds so cool! Where is your family from?”

4. You dread when people ask you to repeat your name over and over because it “sounds so cool when you say it”

5. There’s a 50/50 chance that your name will come back either correct or incorrect at Starbucks

6. People try to find shorter, easier nicknames for you instead of calling you by your actual name

7. When someone famous or fictional character shares your name, you get so happy

8. “What’s your name?” “It’s [name]” “I’m sorry, what was it again?”

9. You’ve pretty much seen every misspelling and heard every mispronunciation of your name throughout your life

10. When you find another person with an “ethnic” sounding name, you both get excited

11. Despite the struggles, your name is pretty unique… just like you

Can I be excused for the rest of my life?

Don't Be That Person

1. “Oh, so you/your family are immigrants!”

2. “Is Puerto Rico near Mexico?”

3. “Do you speak Puerto Rican?”

4. “You look too light/dark to be Puerto Rican.”

5. “Do I need my passport to go to Puerto Rico?”

6. “Geez, you are obsessed with your flag. We get it, you’re Puerto Rican.”

7. “Why are you so loud?”

8. “So does your family know English?”

9. “Oh my god, Puerto Ricans are so spicy.”

10. “So did you eat a lot of tacos?”

11. “Are you Mexican?”

Love hard, every day, and never be ashamed.

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