To Donald Trump, From An Offended Pittsburgher | The Odyssey Online
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Politics

To Donald Trump, From An Offended Pittsburgher

As we say in local parlance, you're a jagoff!

23
To Donald Trump, From An Offended Pittsburgher
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Yesterday, President-in-name-only Donald Trump officially withdrew from the Paris Agreement, further proving he does not have America's best interests in mind and taking nationalism and American exceptionalism to menacing new heights. His "America First" mentality is more like "America Only."

I believe climate change is real and we as a species must protect the beautiful planet we live on, and all of the countries must set aside their differences and work together to keep our planet clean. Where else are we going to live if we treat our planet like a garbage dump?

Oh, but that's not why I'm here. Noooooo, sir. I'm here because of Trump's speech, and something he said deeply offended me.

In announcing his reckless decision, Trump stated: "I was elected to represent the citizens of Pittsburgh, not Paris."

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, WHOA! Stop right there, you festering orange pustule.

Mayor Peduto may have burned you, and now it's my turn.

I was born and raised in Pittsburgh and I call it my home. I may be young enough to be your daughter (or mistress... or both) but I've lived here my entire life, and I easily know more about it than you.

I can safely assume your image of Pittsburgh is the smoky, sweaty, blue-collar steel town in The Deer Hunter. While steel is certainly a vital part of Pittsburgh's heritage, the Pittsburgh of 100 or even 50 years ago is a far cry from the Pittsburgh of today. Your blithe portrayal of Pittsburgh as some ugly, desolate white trash town is outrageous.

The Pittsburgh of today is beautiful, a culturally diverse, historically rich, cosmopolitan and vastly underrated American city, exuding charm and hospitality.

Everyone knows Pittsburgh boasts a fervent sports scene, but Pittsburgh also teems with art, literature, culture, science, and education. Pittsburgh is home to some of the sharpest minds in the world, experts in things that you clearly don't know about nor do you care about. All you've ever cared about is your wealth and material matters.

Most of all, the people of Pittsburgh have a strong spirit and love of life that is one of a kind.

Trump, I am astounded by your blissful ignorance. You are an idiot, and you take pride in it. We deserve a president who is educated, articulate and can use high school-level vocabulary words. We deserve a president who reads, who appreciates beautiful things that aren't pageant queens and who, for the love of God, does not eat ketchup on steak. We deserve someone other than the hopeless Mensa reject that you are.

Your predecessors, all 44 of them, were, to some extent, artful and worldly. Thomas Jefferson had an insane book collection and an interesting assortment of hobbies, from archaeology to wine-making. More recently? George W. Bush challenged Karl Rove to reading contests, Ronald Reagan was (unsurprisingly) a HUGE cinephile. Bill Clinton enjoys playing the saxophone, Barack Obama is a Potterhead... I can't say any of that about you, Trump. Your lack of interest in the world around you is downright disturbing.

You do not represent my city and you never will. You do not represent the Lollipop Guild, let alone my country. You only represent yourself and the cardboard box you call a worldview. I will see to it that your days in office are numbered before you can hurt anyone else. See ya in four years, jagoff.

Author's Note: If you have a spare moment, TV Tropes has a section dedicated to politicians' geeky tendencies. It's quite entertaining to read no matter your party affiliation.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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