Back in the good old’ days before the presidential candidates were chosen, my boyfriend and I were at a bar watching my beloved Cincinnati Bengals continue their short-lived winning streak. Our friend who was with us brought up the subject of politics. It was so light hearted back then before all the caucuses and primaries started. The questions was jokingly asked, if it came down to Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump, who would you vote for? (None of us thought that’s actually who the candidates would be.)

Little did I know, my boyfriend had strong feelings on this topic. And we largely disagreed. I was very opposed to ever voting for Donald Trump. My boyfriend on the other hand, would have rather shot himself in the foot before voting for Hillary Clinton. We could, however, agree that neither option was a suitable candidate. But did that mean we would actually vote for the other option?

Unfortunately, this light-hearted question ended up being months of debates between us. We could not for the life of us convince the other to see our side. And oh, did it get heated. But here is the thing about politics that I had to keep reminding myself. Politics isn’t my religion.Nor did I plan on letting it be. I had to walk away from debates because I would get so exasperated! Was I really going to let our opinions on onething ruin our relationship? I thought about it.

Many people nowadays tell you that your relationship is based on mutual interests. And to a certain extent, that’s true. But there is a difference between being in a relationship based on mutual interest, and being in a relationship that grows both people. The two don’t have to be mutually exclusive, but growing does mean arguing and disagreeing. And as difficult as it can be, it also includes compromise.

See the thing I kept getting wrong was that I was trying to change his mind, switch his vote and pull him over to my side. But he is his own person. Our debates weren’t about us trying to get closer to the truth, but achieving this ideal of winning. Unfortunately for my competitive demeanor, there are no winning debates. There is such a thing as seeing other people’s views, but debates argue with the deepest parts of humans with the goal of uncovering truth. And we had already found the truth, we both felt that the two party system was failing us. How was this the best of both sides when they are so polarizing?

Politics IS important, but it isn’t more important than the relationships I have with my friends and family. And luckily after our bajillionth heated debate, I was able to cool off and realize that his vote is his vote. I can’t change who he is voting for. I can share with him why I disagree, why I’m voting for somebody different. But at the end of the day, I have to let it all go and know that that one opinion isn’t worth ruining any of my relationships.