What exactly is domestic violence?
DV, otherwise known as domestic violence, deals with someone who is using intimidation, sexual assault, physical abuse, and emotional abuse in order to control someone. I still cannot wrap my head around the fact that this is happening in our society, every day. In my childhood, I never thought about domestic violence: once. I had loving, wonderful parents who never laid a hand on me. I was surrounded by loving friends and a large family who supported me through education and extra curricular activities. Even though middle school was considered rough for me, I never faced any real issues: especially with domestic violence.
DV takes a chunk of your soul and never returns it. You can never feel from your partner hitting, choking, threatening, or manipulating you. Why? Because you remember it. You go over every detail in your head and its something you can't "shake off". No matter how hard you try - you can never forget. Think of a survivor of DV to a veteran who served in the war: You can't erase the memories. You can't drink the problems away. You can't pop a pill or take cold medicine to heal domestic violence - it stays with you for the rest of your life.
Another scary fact of DV is that it is an epidemic. It is affected by all races, gender, ages, religion, and nationality. You cannot be immune, because it can happen without you even realizing it. The second that the person in your life starts to control and manipulate you - the DV can start. Sometimes, it doesn't happen. Sometimes you find the inner strength to fight that negative person in your life. Sometimes....the DV can appear one night random, out of the blue, and you would of never thought it would even happen in the first place. DV can happen only one time or it can be a constant factor in your life. The more severe the DV gets, the harder it is to escape. DV is not an addiction, but it sucks up your soul like a drug can. That's the scary part - becoming so infused in a terrible and violent (emotional or physical) situation that you can't escape. You are trapped.
Escaping is also a double edge sword. It's up to the person who is in a DV situation to make the change. This ranges from the lack of knowledge of what to do in this situation to the fear of being homeless and alone. An abuser can threaten a victim's life - this itself is a reason to stay. Children are often involved, and that itself is extremely important to consider.
The wonderful thing about DV is that there are many, many, many resources devoted to empowering victims of abuse. There are many shelters, websites, phone numbers, and people who made careers to prevent DV.
If you are feeling unsure, from the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, here are some signals of an abuser:
- Telling the victim that they can never do anything right
- Showing jealousy of the victim’s family and friends and time spent away
- Accusing the victim of cheating
- Keeping or discouraging the victim from seeing friends or family members
- Embarrassing or shaming the victim with put-downs
- Controlling every penny spent in the household
- Taking the victim’s money or refusing to give them money for expenses
- Looking at or acting in ways that scare the person they are abusing
- Controlling who the victim sees, where they go, or what they do
- Dictating how the victim dresses, wears their hair, etc.
- Stalking the victim or monitoring their victim’s every move (in person or also via the internet and/or other devices such as GPS tracking or the victim’s phone)
- Preventing the victim from making their own decisions
- Telling the victim that they are a bad parent or threatening to hurt, kill, or take away their children
- Threatening to hurt or kill the victim’s friends, loved ones, or pets
- Intimidating the victim with guns, knives, or other weapons
- Pressuring the victim to have sex when they don’t want to or to do things sexually they are not comfortable with
- Forcing sex with others
- Refusing to use protection when having sex or sabotaging birth control
- Pressuring or forcing the victim to use drugs or alcohol
- Preventing the victim from working or attending school, harassing the victim at either, keeping their victim up all night so they perform badly at their job or in school
- Destroying the victim’s property
- Physical violence to the victim: Hitting, punching, bitting, kicking, choking
For anonymous, confidential help available 24/7, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE), 1-800-787-3224 (TTY) now, or log on to: http://ncadv.org
