I think just about everybody would love to be able to hear dogs’ thoughts. They are around you 24/7, watching and supporting you silently... or are they? Here are some thoughts I know are running through my dog’s head.

1. “You’re on that little screen... again?”

My dog gets super frustrated when I’m looking at my phone, and not paying her the attention she deserves.

2. “If you talk about another dog ONE MORE TIME...”

She gets crazy jealous, too.

3. “Oh yeah, sure, the dog food I have eaten the past 5,987 days sounds great. Thanks for asking.”

My grandpa always used to say how boring eating the same food every day would be... sorry, Bailey.

4. “What’s the most inconvenient time I can ask to go out? You know, just to keep things interesting.”

Never fails-right when my family sits down to eat, she’s got to go out.

5. “I don’t know why she’s crying, but it’s making me really sad, too.”

My dog is always right by my side when I’m down. (I think she’s probably mostly in it for the salty tears, but I know she’s very sensitive, too.)

6. “Okay, really? You’re crying again? I just fixed that!! Must I do everything around here??”

But she’s going to help out again anyway!

7. “Wow, these people are lazy. Guess if you can’t beat them, join them.”

She’s getting older, but really, I think I’ve just been a bad influence on her. Sleeping is her favorite thing to do.

8. “I mean, is the baby talk really necessary? I’m like 56 in dog years.”

I guess I’ll give her that one...

9. “You’ve been gone for years!! I missed you so much!!”

...after I’ve been gone for 20 minutes.

10. “Just let that squirrel try to come in. He’ll see.”

To her, squirrels are enemy #1. And really any other non-threatening object or creature.

11. “Poor, stupid, gullible humans.”

...after we feed all the squirrels and birds outside.

12. “I’m so sorry! It was all my fault!”

Anytime we accidentally step on her tail or bump into her, she immediately rolls on her belly, convinced she did something to spark our anger.

13. “I have seriously got. It. Made.”

...as she sees us stressed to the max, staying up late working, dragging ourselves out of bed, crying frustrated tears, replaying drama and to-do lists in our heads. But she works hard, too. She’s the rock of the family.