"That is the simple secret of happiness. Whatever you are doing, don't let past move your mind; don't let future disturb you. Because the past is no more, and the future is not yet. To live in the memories, to live in the imagination, is to live in the non-existential. And when you are living in the non-existential, you are missing that which is existential. Naturally you will be miserable, because you will miss your whole life."
-Osho
The past has a funny way of making its mark in our minds, as well as lying heavy on our hearts. We all have those moments we wish we could relive, moments we wish that hadn't escaped us so fast. It's a common thing, we want what we find comfortable. We want what we have grown used too.
I found myself running into the problem of not wanting to let things go. Not wanting to move on from things because I had grown comfortable there, and feared starting over. I held so many people so close to me, and when I found our relationships heading in separate directions, I found myself struggling to put everything back together. I had fallen into the idea of if you tried hard enough you could make things work, only to come to conclusion that what is meant to fall apart will fall apart.
In a world where the notion of a "perfect" life is pushed your way, it is hard to build up the courage to leave what you have come to consider normal. The idea of starting anew, tearing your entire life down to build it back up again, is scary because as humans we fear failure. We fear being rejected by those around us, and that fear keeps us in many situations we should be letting go of. Fear will keep you from leaving your abuser, fear will keep you in a friendship where you feel let down in. The fear of not finding someone else, something else that gave you that once wonderful feeling, keeps us in old relationships for fear of not finding anywhere new. The idea of change is so scary, that most try to avoid it like a plague. Even I did, at one point.
But, what if I told you something? What if I told you that if you left the boy who won't let you go out with your friends, that you will find someone who lets you go just to see you smile when you come back to tell them what happened? What if I told you that if you left that friendship that was draining you, that you would be welcomed somewhere else? What if I told you that loneliness, rejection, failure, it's not that scary after all. The idea of tearing things down and rebuilding them isn't that scary once you realize you have the power inside of you. Everyone does. It lies dormant till we untap it, but it rests within you like a sleeping giant waiting to be woken up. The brilliant rush you get when you realize you are creating something new will exhilarate you enough to keep on trying through the pain. Yes--there will be pain.
Another thing that as humans we want to avoid; anything that makes us feel hurt. The idea of feeling any negative emotions turns us off, and we try our hardest to avoid that as well. But, what are we afraid of? Why are we so afraid to feel emotions that we have been feeling since the begin of the human era? Why does the idea of pain and loneliness turn us off so much that we stay in positions that hinder our full potential? Since when is constraint and confinement a better choice than pain? When did we become so scared of our own emotions that we started avoiding even the basics. When it comes down to it, everyone feels pain.
I understand that pain is what makes you not want to get up in the morning, pain is what makes you cry yourself to sleep at night and miss that class because there is just no point in going. But I also want to tell you that pain is what forces you to tear down old structures, forces you to reevaluate your life, your decisions. It forces you to look within for answers, and for comfort. It creates a stronger person, and it doesn't have to harden you if you don't let it. Pain can teach you how to bring joy to others, as long as you are willing to see the good side of the pain. Just like a coin, theres two sides to any negative emotion. Theres the side that wants you to hurt, to wallow, to sit and complain. And then, there is the side that wants to break free and create. That wants to make this place better, to help those around them. The side that wants to make sure no one else ever has to feel this pain from them personally, because they have learned that even though they can't stop others from hurting people, they can stop themselves from hurting people.
When it comes down to it, if it isn't making you a better person, than let it go. If it is hurting you, than let it go. If it is making you negative, let it go. Let it go, and wish everyone the best. Don't be afraid to say no, to take a stand for yourself. Not everyone will look out for you, so you must look out for yourself. Don't be afraid to let go of something even if it hurts someone else, because hurt will help them grow if they let it too. Don't think that you won't find something else, there are infinite possibilities in this world. Don't be afraid of change, for something new is unraveling for you and it will be bigger and better than you have ever imagined. You just have to be willing to see it unfolding.
"Experience life in all possible ways -- good-bad, bitter-sweet, dark-light, summer-winter. Experience all the dualities. Don't be afraid of experience, because the more experience you have, the more mature you become."
-Osho
