I once heard the statement, "When a man says no, it is the end of the discussion. When a woman says no, it is the beginning of a negotiation."

In a culture that is beginning to bring rape and sexual assault to the forefront of national conversation, this statement rang in my ears. I began to think of all the times that I have said "no, I don't feel like it" or "no, not tonight" or "no, I don't think I would like that" or simply "no"--I began to think of all these times and all the conversations and actions that followed them. Usually, it was something along the lines of "Oh, baby, come on, just try it one time" or "Please, I'll leave you alone and let you do your work after" or "If I put you in the mood, then you'll feel like it" or "But it's been three days!"

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The True Meaning Of The Word 'No'

Persuading Someone To Have Sex Is Rape

"No" does not mean convince me or ask until I give in.

At every seminar, talk, panel, event, or gathering about raising awareness for rape and sexual assault, "No means No and Yes means Yes" is always shouted, said, written, or implied. Are these words really true for women? Does our society truly value the word "no?" Sadly, I still believe the answer is no.

Although this may not be as big of a deal as rape or sexual assault, many women have put up with the same things I have when they say "no"--but we should not have to. I am tired of the negotiation. I am tired of my consent being coerced. These are issues too and they deserve to be addressed. Many women deal with this and think it is just easier to give in, because it is better than causing a fight. They are taught that it is easier to give in and keep the peace.

Well, I say SCREW THAT. Women should be able to say no without causing a fight. It should not be okay for consent to be undermined just because you are in a relationship with someone. These instances covertly contribute to the rape culture that is present in society. If you do not value your ability to consent, the problem will not end. Consent is sexy.

Consent should be taught at a young age. For many people, the reality of being taught consent was not addressed until it was time for "the sex talk." Teaching children to value and respect another person's wishes when they say "no, don't touch me" or "no, I don't want a hug" are the first steps in teaching consent. Both boys and girls should be taught to respect the word "no" when it comes to other people's bodies.

Women who are not being raped or sexual assaulted can say no too. Women who are married, in a relationship, or have friends with benefits can say no too.