A friend of mine (let’s call him Eryximachus) and I have been in an ongoing debate over whether a person should love and fear God, or simply love God and reject fear. We began the debate when he remarked on the Christian belief that their God requires both fear and love from followers. He believes that love is recognized as a “binary 1” or “0”. This means that love is either present or not. Eryximachus has explained to me that if there is love, then there cannot be fear. Further, he points out that any God that requires fear is exploiting the person being tasked. Based on this, he concludes that fear is not found in a relationship with God.

I approach the relationship a tad differently; however, it seems to me that there is indeed fear in the relationship with the Almighty and that Eryximachus is not working with the best definitions of fear and love. Love can surely be said to be present or not present, but in what way? Plato teaches in Symposium that love consists of poverty and plenty. In a relationship, love may be present in a form of lacking or in a form of more than enough – thus, love is not so cut & dry as to perfectly correspond with a binary logic test. Love is not simply a feeling of great emotion and affection – I think more often than not: love is a sacrifice. Love involves giving up something for the benefit of the beloved. It can be seen in the warriors of Sparta that would give up their lives to devotion of military tact in order to preserve their beloved nation and heritage. Warriors are prepared to sacrifice their lives for good of the country. Let’s look at another example: in a relationship, one person will make the sacrifice of eating at a restaurant they hate – or sitting through a bad movie – and the reason is always for the good of love in their relationship. Mouslims sacrifice their time through the day and week to observe and show love for Allah.

Love’s power comes from its ability to place someone or something before the person’s self. A lover places their beloved ahead of themselves – as seen in the examples of Spartans or in a basic relationship. Love inspires a motivation and power that few other things are able to. Phaedo (in Symposium) points out that an army of a few lovers fighting for the sake of their beloved is more likely to win than an army of many simply because they cannot stand the idea of failing their beloved. If we examine the poverty aspect of love, often many of us feel lacking in our relationships. Sometimes, we need a picture of our sweetheart, or to hear the kind words, “I love you” to remind us of that tender feeling. Love is a feeling, and for this reason I look at it as either being felt or having the capacity to be felt.

What I mean is that a person is made up of many different emotions such as: love, fear, happiness, sadness, anger, etcetera – as a result, all of those emotions are always present. A person is not without sadness when they are happy – sadness is overwhelmed by happiness. Sadness may even cease to be felt – which is truly marvelous; however – the capacity to feel sadness is always present. Emotions are fickle for that reason, so to measure love as either a 1 or 0 is effective in defining whether or not there is a beloved, but it does not really establish that fear is mutually exclusive. For this reason, I remarked to Eryximachus that he had confused love with beauty which moves men in a similar way and is unable to corrode as true beauty never ceases to be beautiful. Love can be deterred by or work in conjunction with other emotions.

Love requires trust. Without trust, love is simply affection. Trust requires a recognition of circumstances expected – or that the future could move any which way. This recognition requires knowledge of fear which I define as a feeling of distrust in the future. Let’s take the classic sitcom example: a beloved goes out for a night on the town with their single friends while the lover stays at home and worries about what could happen. Here, we observe that fear and love are indeed present together in an instance where love is a binary 1. Fear can also be observed in the Spartan example. A warrior’s greatest fear is the harm of their beloved. Looking closer, we can deduce that this fear is a motivating factor in their fight, for their failure could mean harm of the beloved, and as we noted in Phaedo’s example – an army of few lovers would likely triumph an army of many if it was for the sake of their beloved. At last, we begin to see the relationship of fear and love in a relationship with God. Those who show devotion to their Lord always act in such a way. The saints of Christianity are excellent examples. They did not fear death, but instead they feared not following-through for God.

Fear (in small doses) is not a bad thing; how could it be when fear is a natural emotion? Nature is not bad – even when it has less than desirable outcomes. Fear instead offers a choice: to rise and face the challenge in the face of failure or to flee and succumb to failure. Shakespeare noted that, “Cowards die many times before their deaths, but the valiant never taste of death but once.” These choices are an unavoidable, naturally re-occurring part of life. Plato notes further, “Courage is knowing what to be afraid of.” The commander, fearing for a high death count of his men in spite of a victory, is not a coward if he surrenders. George Washington is famous for having done this in the American Revolution; love requires preservation; George Washington is certainly not a coward. Fear is instead a requirement of courage – making the choice for Good despite the fear. In a relationship – especially with God – a lover fears disappointing their beloved above all things. This is not a bad thing; however, because if the lover recognizes this fear and does not allow pride to take over, then there love will not suffer. Love is easy to take for granted – especially when plentiful. With this recognition of fear, the lover will make choices to avoid a future not consistent with what they term good.

Hearing the word sacrifice in this article may be a tad strange, but I think it is necessary in love. Sacrifices are not a bad thing. Sacrificing fifteen minutes in a person’s day to call their grandpa is highly-rewarding, Sacrifices in a relationship come from both sides – whether it is saying sorry or making time to go to a an even in their life. Showing love is how a person receives love and ultimately is loved. Showing God love does not mean giving affection to the Almighty, but rather taking an action for the sake of the Lord’s Word. God bestows love unto a person not by wealth or simple pleasure, but instead through grace. Sacrifices do not mean being controlled or losing freedom, rather they mean freely choosing how to shape the future.

The love of God can perhaps be measured as a binary one or zero; however, this logical test does not account for everything that goes into love and maintain a relationship. Love can be too easily confused with beauty, or worse – taken for granted. If things such as these were to pass that logical test – and oh too often they do – then this logical test needs some work. Furthermore, love and fear can be made to work in union – for when a man has control over all of his emotions, then he truly knows himself. A man that knows himself is best fit to align himself with the Almighty. Sacrifices are a healthy part of a good relationship, and fear allows the lover to cease from taking love for granted or falling into a routine which would stale love. Fear and love of the Lord is best observed in the parable of Jesus about the sower of seeds: where the sower scatters seeds along his path (Matthew 13). I wish there was time to delve into the parable, but ultimately the moral is to be the seeds that are not choked by thorns or eaten by birds, rather to be the seeds that follow-through in their actions and work for their love of the Common Good and for the Lord. The wise man fears the outcome of being eaten by the birds or choked by thorns, for there is a consequence to each action. I want to point out that fear of God is actually observable in religions other than Islam, Judaism, and Christianity. If one were to read the Upanishads of Hinduism, for example, then they would observe a very similar principle. So, do not allow fear to stifle love, but instead allow fear to show where you do not want your love to end. Allow courage to triumph over fear – for a person is measured by how they overcome obstacles in life when presented with them.