I have gone through almost every possible emotion in deciding to write this article. I finally decided to go with it because it might allow me to finally learn that someone might just be able to love me... for real. As one of my inspirations says" go for it, it would be great. and raw." She was so right, I have finally began to let myself feel. I have begun to allow my emotions a portion of my life because I have to let myself feel worthy of the time, work, and reciprocation that come with acknowledging emotions.
The first emotion I have when thinking about writing this article manifests as being completely dumbfounded. How could I think I am the right person to write this. I am a person with absolutely no experience in a relationship where reciprocal love was involved, or almost zero experience... PERIOD. I, like the majority of people who have experienced some of my past, have NEVER believed someone could really love me. Trying to overcome that sentiment has been a very long journey. I would like to start with explaining some of the pitfalls I have experienced.
The main thing is guys always look for my approval: completely natural. Despite the common elementary theory, they are human beings and DO come from this planet and come with all the standard equipment including; common fears such as rejection, denial, and heartbreak. It is only natural they would want to know if they should allow themselves to fall for someone. Yet, I am the type who most likely won't give that approval. I hesitate because I don't feel worthy of love, I am not sure if any of you are with me there... but I would wager that at least one person reading this article has asked themselves if they were worthy of another person.
Not only have they looked for this approval that they can love me, they have often asked me to tell them I care for them... as well as many other things... before they decide if they really love you.
Yet, one of the most important things I have learned in life is that you can love people without being in love with them. There is a standard love you should have for every human being... and levels in between, reaching all the way to the highest type of earthly love in marriage. That love is modeled by the even higher spiritual love. So... back to the theme of this article... what love do you want? Does he really love you?
What I mean by there being levels in love is that he can REALLY love you BEFORE there are any other feelings. He can show you this in many ways. Here are ten:
1. Does he have the same basic concerns, aspirations, and loves as you? Is your worldview the same?
2. Does he speak to you, listen, and let you in?
3. Does he speak about you?
4. Does he fight for you, your goals, aspirations, well being, and future?
5. Does he stand up for you? That includes to others and himself. In addition, one of the most important parts of this is standing up to... YOU.
6. Will he go through the proper channels? This would be determined by you and him... for me that involves a sort of Courtship, where it you talk about the deepest concerns, seek to do what is most Godly, and seek wise council. What does this mean for the both of you?
7. This may be a very hard one... does he love himself? In addition, will he think you are worse or better than him, rather than an equal?
8. Does he treat you like a queen? ( Or want to) One of the people closest to loving me once asked me this question... " will you let him treat you like a queen?" I didn't realize how poignant this was until now... as someone who tries to be so independent and perfect I need someone who I can rely on and sometimes be broken with. I need someone I would be able to let help me, love me, and be there for me.
9. Are you able to let him love you, and is that something he really wants?
10. I know this sounds silly, but it is very important... can he give you the "Disney Look"? This implies aspirations for a future and a capability of love... it can help ensure happiness for a long time to come because he is in touch with his emotions ( wow, can't believe I wrote that because that sounds cliche) and you guys are able to have a better version of the fairy tale because it is real.
Does he really love me?
This question is masking my presuppositional question... can someone love me? That is a question I still ask myself every day, maybe I will write about it another time... keep an eye on my facebook for more articles if you are interested on how I deal with that question... Thanks for reading.
