“What happened to the chicken who crossed the road?”

A tragic massacre happened across multiple campuses today. Approximately 5 - 10 people were reported to be found lying prone on the floor with a trail of blood leaking from their head. Each murder, although separated by long distance and state border lines, were victim to the same manner of death.

Upon further inspection, the coroners have reported that the main suspect behind their death had to do with a broken heart. A literal jagged cut right down the middle of the blood pumping organ, like out of a cartoon.

According to several witnesses, a suspicious student was going around the campus cracking corny jokes, leaving a scattered trail of bodies in their wake.

“It was a complete nightmare,” one particularly group of traumatized undergraduates, who claimed to have barely escaped with their life while on their way to Chemistry class, “one minute, we were calmly staring at our phones like we usually do while crossing between classes, the next, the student approached me and starting engaging me in conversation as if we needed rescuing from my digital splendor routine, as if we did not enjoy being enveloped in a technological universe all to our own each time we exited our classrooms!”

When pushed for more details, the group then, proceeded to list out some of the jokes the student in question gave them,

“what do you call cheese that isn’t yours?”

“Nacho cheese!”

“Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato?”

“the lettuce was ‘ahead’ and the tomato was trying to ‘catchup’”

Then they added, “Do we look like people who enjoy random conversations? our facial expressions need ample time or at least a warning before hilarity ensues!”

More reports across the same campus demonstrated the same universal outrage, that the person who apparently held an unlimited storage of corny jokes on hand, only succeeded to demonstrate how rude it was for one to create any form of happiness in others without some kind of cautionary sign or admonition first.

One other student stepped up to comment,

"It almost broke my heart, the way these puns were just carelessly thrown about in such a disorderly manner. I say, save your spontaneity for more appropriate pastimes like studying the night before an exam, or even going out at midnight for french fries at McDonald's!"

Here, the same student shivered in apparent horror, at the thought of such an impromptu action regarding self indulgence and greasy fried substance.

"But hey, I don't judge, if you're into that sort of thing...I mean, I'd say it's a lesser evil than these...these...jokes!"

The pupil then sped off into the distance, realizing after a horrified glance at a watch, that it was half past 4.

The conclusion? the shock of stepping out from a place of academia that requires non-stop grave countenance, especially if one was performing a precariously balancing act between failing and non-failing letter scores, to the outside world, requires a medium in the likes of a phone or some kind of other electronic device for which the average person would spend 15 minutes on average, recovering before becoming semi-ready to face day to day conversations, let alone, face corny jokes.