DATE: 11111.010101010101.7

Planet: 27-J-8A, PURPLE SECTOR (EARTH)

MISSION DETAIL: COUNCIL TO SEND TWO MISSIONARIES ON EXPLORATORY MISSION TO “EARTH” TO JUDGE READINESS FOR PLANET'S ADMISSION INTO STELLAR COUNCIL. EACH MISSIONARY TO BE DROPPED OFF IN RANDOM LOCATION AND EXTRACTED TEN [10] EARTH DAYS LATER.

End of Mission Report

We, Gackwob Backwad of planet Omgggggggg, Green Sector, and Bizbo Bizbi of planet Ahhhhh, Yellow Sector, formally submit our end-of-mission report to the Stellar Council. Thank you for using your Glorious Time to review this document.

Obviously, as you can tell by our individual reports, we had very different experiences of Planet Earth. This speaks to the disparities of the human species and, more broadly, the universe itself. Initial scans did not indicate such discrepancies; we were unprepared.

Our mission revealed both exceptional kindness and unimaginable horror: from selflessness to murder, humans were revealed to be a nonuniform, volatile species. We did not judge the character and merit of these two distinct populations as lesser or worse; we firmly believe that, given the correct situation and enough time, those at war could come to peace, and those at peace could go to war. They are the same people, only nurtured differently.

Thus, we believe that some point, all humans could become the compassionate people that I, Bizbo Bizbi, observed. This will take time. Given the primitive and indiscriminate nature of their weaponry, they may never make it. But we both see the potential in the human race. We see their capacity for emotional intelligence, which is a scarcity in this galaxy. Such empathy is sorely needed, and eventually, there will be a spot for them on the Stellar Council. But they have a lot of work to do before that.

We recommend returning in 1000 stellar years for reevaluation. An extermination squad should be sent in for the snakes, though. Thank you for reading, great Council-members, and thank you for your Glorious Time.