Hundreds upon thousands of people have long philosophized over the concept and meaning of love. Countless books, songs and poems have been written about it; innumerable words and rhymes have been dedicated to it. The word itself has been tossed around and devalued due to misuse. Too often has it been a synonym for lust and a replacement for infatuation. However, for me the true definition of love is fairly simple. Love = Happiness. Although it sounds like a cliché, if you are not genuinely happy in your relationship, and are not actively working to ensure your partner’s happiness, then you are likely doing something very wrong and aren’t experiencing “love” in all of its entirety, which honestly is such a damn shame.

For this reason, I want to talk less about keeping your “love” healthy and alive, and more about providing your partner with love’s primary ingredient: “happiness.” The key is to give as much as you take. Toxic relationships are the result of selfish participants, so go out of your way to make your partner feel valued. Your relationship shouldn’t be hard work, but you should be working hard to show your love:

Words of Accolade

Every person wants to feel special. Never stop telling your partner that they are handsome, beautiful or sexy. Tell them often that you are proud of them, no matter how big or small the accomplishment. Don’t ever assume that they know or don’t need to hear it. A compliment is never a wasted breath and encouragement is always a necessity.

Support

You are your partner’s shoulder to cry on and personal physical trainer. If your companion has a dream or aspiration, then you need to be their cheerleader and biggest fan. Don’t be afraid to be an honest critique, but make sure that you are always prioritizing your boyfriend or girlfriend’s goal and nurturing their ambition.

Stay Sexy

When you first start dating, you naturally put your best foot forward. You wear your nicest clothes and keep yourself in tip-top shape. This should never stop. Getting comfortable doesn’t mean that you discontinue the things you were doing when you fell in love. Don’t permanently replace lingerie with baggy sweats and don’t stop trimming the hedges. Stay sexy for your lover to keep the passion alive.

Practice Trust

It is never okay to check your partner’s phone or to try to trick him/her with a fake Facebook or Instagram profile. Don’t play childish games. If you feel the need to do this, there is already either a catastrophic problem with your relationship, or with you. Showing that you trust your partner is absolutely essential to any happy and healthy relationship. Don’t forbid your companion from seeing his or her friends; this is a sign that you don’t trust them. Accept the fact that people will find your partner attractive, and that there is nothing that you or your partner can do about it. Getting angry about such things is a waste of time in your relationship; if you trust that he/or she is loyal to you, the random flirty stranger on the street or at the bar won’t matter.

Allow for Time Apart

“Absence makes the heart grow fonder.” This little cliché couldn’t be any more accurate. The most amazing thing about a relationship is that your partner adds new depth to your life. When you go your separate ways, you can look forward to telling each other about your different experiences at the end of the day. This keeps things interesting. Let’s face it, life gets boring after a few years if you are attached at the hip at all times, never adding anything new to your conversation. Allow your partner time to miss you. Let him/her have a girl’s or guy’s night, trusting that your time together will never be far away. Demanding that your partner always be with you is actually pretty selfish; everyone needs space and alone time.

Acts of Love

Go out of your way to surprise your companion with things that he or she likes. Whether it’s flowers, food or sex, show your partner that you’re thinking about them. Post a picture, write a letter, bake a cookie, open a door or pay a bill, your options for spontaneity are endless and will be well received and reciprocated.

Don’t contently accept the discomfort of unhappiness; don’t settle. Strive to be a better partner, and hold out for the companion who will never stop prioritizing your happiness.