I don’t know if this only happens to me or if it happens to others. But my entire life I have always dreamt or imagined how I would do things certain ways and how I would react certain ways in specific situations. For example, I would come up with a random situation and think about what I would say, how I would react and who would be there. I would also picture people’s reactions, not only what they will say but their facial expressions. People surprise you. They always have and always will. However, something that has always struct me as odd is that I usually surprise myself. It isn't always a bad thing, it is usually a good sort of surprise but sometimes it can be upsetting. It can be a very confusing thing too. Especially, if it completely catches you of guard. Or if you don't even realize it until way after the fact.

In High School, I was this super optimistic extrovert. I would be so involved and wanted to be around people all the time. I enjoyed being with my friends all the time. Now I am seeing that I am more of an introvert. I still enjoy being around people and hanging out with my friends but I just don’t want to do it as often. I need space, I need alone time. I like reflecting and writing. I am more soft spoken then I used to be. I just don’t talk as much as I used to.

I think it may have something to do with having less time than I did in High School. I think it also has something to do with my illness. It has only gotten worse since I came to college and it has been harder to manage. It has made me hang out with people less, go to events less and I have less energy. Extroverts usually have the loads of energy that lets them be an extrovert.

Not only those things have made me more of an introvert but those made-up situations sometimes happen and then I respond completely differently than I ever thought I would. I can’t even think of an exact example. But I will be in a conversation and something will come up or something happens. I react like I wouldn't have normally had if I were that same extrovert from High School. I think it has something to do with me growing up. I have grown up, I have been able to be more self-aware, I have had time to reflect and know to reflect. I know now that it is important to do.

This is a very difficult thing to explain and even write about. But I have noticed that I have been running into this type of situation more and more often. Does this ever happen to you? Do you expect to react to something or say something differently then you did in a situation?