As the spring semester comes to an end I am oddly enough not worried about finals; most likely because I've recently just come to some newfound peace within me (or something....). But in my even-newer-found-"Me"-Time, I came to the realization that I had not used Tinder or Bumble in over a month!
Now before you blow that off as an accomplishment, consider the fact that I'm a single, gay man, and recent 21-year-old and I am ready for a relationship to sweep me right off my feet at any moment. Literally, any moment. Back to the point, what I'm saying is that I used to be a dating-app-aficionado and I can embarrassingly remember days where I've spent hours swiping and hoping for the perfect match to enter my life. It obviously hasn't happened yet, and now after a month of not needing it, I feel as if it probably won't happen... and that might not be a bad thing.
No. I don't mean that I'll never find someone, all I'm saying is that I'm not sure a dating app is going to ever produce the perfect person for me. After years of using these means of finding a partner, I have matched with hundreds of guys; however, I've only gone on a handful of meaningful dates, and further, only one relationship has actually blossomed from its use.
Those odds don't look good on paper and trust me, it wasn't always a fun time in person.
It's hard to find someone online who fits you organically.
At least that's how I feel about it.
Using someone's profile as a way to see them as a person is a flawed system in itself. I know there are countless articles that claim the same, but they do so for the reason that it's the truth. The complexities of someone's entire personality can never be fully reflected in a 240-word-count bio, nor in the just six pictures they chose to share. Your life cannot be shrunk down into tidbits of information in the way we all attempt to do each time we use apps like Tinder and Bumble.
In a perfect world, I want to fall for someone from my past or present who I am already familiar with and comfortable enough to actually be vulnerable with. For some reason, meeting people for the first time on a first date has always made me completely uncomfortable. For all my paranoid-self knew, those nights may have been my last.
But we've become so used to using apps to help us find a connection that cannot be contained by an internet connection, instead of allowing ourselves to be open to the idea of meeting people in real life away from the cold, impersonal touch of technology.
Moving forward, I will be making more of an effort to actively try to meet people around me and make natural connections that may lead me to romantic paths versus having meaningless small talk with a new stranger every so often that has absolutely no impact on my life. I am willing to have the confidence in myself that putting yourself out there takes, and I think it will change my somewhat cynical perspective on dating.
Disclaimer: I can't promise I will never use another dating app, cause as I mentioned I am ready for that adventure... but I will make sure to keep my eyes open in the real world and I encourage you to do the same.
