Lately, I've been really trying to branch out a meet new people. As a disclaimer, I want to say that I am as inexperienced as they come. I have never had my first relationship, boyfriend, or kiss. At this point in time, I don't think I have found anyone that I liked enough to share these first experiences. I have gone on a couple of dates with guys that I potentially thought I could date. However, each and everyone, I realized that I don't like them enough to actually date them. There was pitfalls and cringe-worthy moments to each. And, although they were experiences I would not trade for the world, they definitely aren't ones that I would choose to relive.
I am 18, edging on 19, and I still haven't had my first relationship yet. Although I am perfectly content with the single life, I understand societal pressures of finding someone. In our society, it seems that being in a relationship is a mark of success. However, this is oftentimes true even for relationships that do not work and are toxic. Having the experience is sometimes more valued that having a food experience.
And, as time passed and more and more of my friends entered relationships, I began to question the amount I should treasure all the first. And, as time passed and more and more of my friends experienced a really crappy first relationship, I began to realize that maybe first times aren't that special. Recently, after going on a date with a guy that is mutual friends with my friend, I definitely began to feel uneasy.
On the date, there seemed to be moments when we clicked and things were going smoothly. Yet, the more the date progressed, he kept going with vague definitions of what he wanted in a relationship, and that ultimately didn't align with mine.
But, I was at a bypass. I felt like society was pressuring me to get a boyfriend, and I felt like I "needed" one. But, this date and this boy didn't seem right. I was trying to hold onto the brief moments when we clicked and tried to stretch it to form a whole relationship. And, for a bit, I really wanted it to stretch no matter how thin the connection became. It just didn't feel right. But, I tried to make right. I wanted so hard to finally get over with my potentially crappy first relationship to mark another spot on my belt.
Nevertheless, after talking more with my friends, they told me to treasure myself. As a result, I realized I REALLY wasn't interested in the boy. I would definitely be settling for less than best. This article is nothing against the boy, but I know when a relationship or a conversation feels right, it just feels right. Period. I know he would have been settling less than best if he were to get into a relationship with me too. There is someone out there that fits him more perfectly. And, that's not me and I'm not for him. Still, that's OK.
I have to tell him that I'm not interested. My firsts are special, and I deserve special experiences. I might have forgotten this briefly. But, it's important to not compromise on your morals. The worst thing you can do is waste time on something that won't bear fruit for you or your fake "boyfriend to be."
