It has long been taken for granted that girls like bad boys who don't pay much attention to the rules. But the so-called 'bad boys' have not had much of a say in this debate and may have a different opinion on the whole phenomenon. Here are 11 things about bad boys that you never knew
1. Short-Term Likability
Girls like bad boys, but they rarely love them. A bad boy is typically one that never settles down and whose eyes can easily wander. So bad boys can often be a bad decision and it rarely ends up well. They might make a great first impression, but that can be terrible to live with over the long-term.
2. There is Nothing Good About Being Bad
Many bad boys are controlling and aggressive. They have some positive attributes but can be impossible to live with. Many view it as something to aspire to, without realizing that is an extreme that carries its own difficulties. For example, many bad boys are narcissists. While this might be appealing at first, the effects quickly fade as they reveal their true character. In contrast, genuinely decent people become more likable with time. It is not all about looks.
3. They Don't Care
It's not that bad boys deliberately try to act badly. It's just that they don't care about other people. They are not trying to impress, and that is what's so attractive about them. If a bad boy cares about your opinion of him, he is not really a bad guy.
4. You Cannot Fake it
Authenticity is the core traits of a bad guy. They are not faking anything and are just being true to who they are and what they believe. It is not something that you can emulate. Because if you are 'trying' to be a bad guy, you are only doing it to impress others. It's not real.
5. It's a Terrible Life Strategy
Ask any real bad boy what it is or what it was like. They will tell you that they are emotionally unbalanced, angry, and upset all the time. It got them a lot of attraction, but their relationships were anything but satisfying. They mature to a better place over time with more sustainable relationships. If you succeed, don't be surprised that you have no friends and a toxic environment.
6. It's Better Than Being Nice
Bad guys have a lot of flaws. But it is still far superior to being a nice guy. This is because nice guys are not really nice. They are just pretending to be nice, like a lot of others. The nice guy is the worse stereotype from both a male and female perspective. It is the most disempowering because they are approval seeking, automatically putting the woman on a pedestal. What's more, nice guys are boring. Bad boys are often ticking time bombs of happiness and sadness, full of stories and drama, and women like to be entertained. They also get the added satisfaction of being with the 'bad' boy which adds an element of tension and excitement as opposed to the safe and secure option.
7. Nice and Bad is Best
A bad boy is not an all-around complete human being. For real success both in romance and in other areas, good qualities from both sides need to be embraced. So the perfect male date will be assertive and also protective, attentive but not overbearing, and considerate but not clingy. The male lead in any romance novel is never a bad guy, more of a strong knight in shining armour.
8. It's Not the Meanness
There is an incorrect myth being perpetuated that the reason that girls like macho guys are because they are mean and arrogant. But nothing could be further from the truth. It is their individual power and authenticity that makes them attractive. As a byproduct, they are assertive and are not willing to be pushed around by anyone, male or female. In fact, the ability to be more assertive is one needed a lot in modern society, by males and females.
9. Bad Boys Do Not 'Game'
Bad boys do not learn lessons or study how to catch women. It comes naturally to them. Yet in the past decade, a new sport has emerged mainly due to a book by Neil Strauss called 'The Game'. It breaks down the science of gaming and introduces terms such as "negging", which means insulting women to erode their confidence and make them attracted to you. Needless to say, this has absolutely nothing to do with bad boys, who let women come to them, not the other way around.
10. Confidence is the Secret Weapon
The blame is often on women for liking the bad guys, but this is really just something nice guys do to make themselves feel better. When sitting in a bar, a bad guy will always win, but not for the reasons that you might think. It's just that the bad guy will ask and make a move before the nice guy, who will wait. The nice guy will wait forever. So in many respects, the fact that the bad guy is just willing to make a move puts him ahead of his less aggressive counterpart. Even if you don't make it as a 100% bad guy, all you need to do is develop some level of confidence and aggression to really increase your chances.
11. There is No Formula
Many books and studies have been completed about the male/female relationship. At the end of the day, everybody is unique and the thousands of theories are not sufficient to explain the intricacies of dating. People are complex, and to label somebody as a nice or bad guy is borderline discriminatory and inhumane. Similarly, classifying women on their looks alone is misleading. Both people will have different attributes and can change over time. However, it does have to be passionate and interesting in most cases. If it's not enjoyable and there is no spark, then there is a little point on the whole endeavor.
Shades of Grey
While girls generally do like bad guys, the situation is not quite as black and white as you might think. After all, it is a pretty big world with many preferences. So while you should try to develop as a person, there is no need to subscribe to the idea of yourself as a bad or good guy.
And as a girl, you don't need to feel ashamed about who you are and what you are attracted to. In the end, you just have to make up your own mind about the situation and go with your heart, not the opinions of others. Perhaps if you don't buy into the bad/nice stereotypes and all that you read online, your dates with real people will be far more enriching.