Her can be summed up in just a few short words: "Man falls in love with his OS."

GIPHY

Yes, this plot sounds like a surreal, far-fetched idea that only a crazy person would do. Why would anyone in their right mind fall in love with their phone, something that can't love them back? Much less, why would anyone find enjoyment out of a movie based on as such?

Most of us place our identities in real live people, but yet we long for more. As humans, no matter what, we are never truly satisfied. While "Her" is not a movie about placing our identities in God, it implicitly examines how our lives are when we are constantly yearning for things through people, as well as artificial objects, and yet, find that we are still searching [because we are not placing our identities in God]. I love Her because of its vivid color schemes, odd perspectives of Los Angeles and the rawness of Amy Adams. Most importantly, I love Her because it depicts various emotions we feel as human beings i.e. happiness, joy, anger, jealousy, sexual desire, inquisitiveness, confusion and doubt.

The tone of this particular movie, though, is loneliness.

What comes to mind when you hear the word loneliness? Webster's Dictionary explains it as "the quality of being unfrequented and remote; isolation." Urban Dictionary describes it as "not the same as being alone; unwanted solitude does not require being alone, even in crowds; absence of identity, understanding compassion; empty; can't focus on anything but emptiness."

So what if we added one word to the quote stated above? "[Divorced] man falls in love with his OS." Does this make it sound any better? Probably not, but it does make it sound more reasonable.

As a result of divorce, the protagonist, Theodore Twombly, (Joaquin Phoenix) seeks his identity and a sense of belonging, with his new operating system but is never fully satisfied. This isn't just any operating system, though, it is an artificially intelligent operating system. For example, as the conversation progresses, the operating system becomes one with its holder. It develops a (surreal) relationship with Theodore. It grows with him. And he doesn't even know it. What makes this movie relatable is that Theodore does not go out and seek a relationship with his phone. It just happens. It progresses. He gets emotionally attached. But why? Is it because he is going through a divorce? Maybe. But I think there is so much beyond that.

In one scene, we see Theodore and his soon-to-be-ex-wife, Catherine (Rooney Mara) sitting down and filing their divorce papers. You can tell there is still something between the two because you see Catherine hesitate when signing the papers and makes a comment about how they don't "have to rush to get it over with." Theodore's facial expression explains everything they are both feeling in those few moments. You can tell they still care very deeply for each other. But along the way, they lost "it", whatever it was that brought them together in the first place. Later, we see them get in a fight when Theodore explains that he has been "seeing" his operating system and his ex-wife throws a fit about how unrealistic he was being. Then we see exactly what drifted them apart:

1.) Theodore couldn't express himself. He feared the unknown. Theodore's inability to connect with his wife. He feared intimacy, getting close with her and letting down his walls. He could not communicate how he felt. But he wanted to. And when he tried, he got shot down.

2.) Catherine was the opposite. She was perceived to be too cynical because she never could comprehend completely what Theodore was feeling and always shut him out. Often times, she felt depressed, dealing with anxiety and placing herself in her education and always having to prove her worth through her work. She communicated how she felt, but often led to miscommunication between her and Theodore, causing a destructive relationship, ending in divorce. Towards the end of 2014, I saw this as a common pattern that I knew all too well.

When I first heard of "Her" back in 2013, I instantly was intrigued with the YouTube trailer when Theodore tells his operating system, Samantha, (Scarlett Johansson),

"I love the way you look at the world."

I'm all for people with inquisitive minds, people who look at things with a different perspective. So I wanted to see what this movie was all about. When it came out in theaters, my (now ex) boyfriend took me to see it. But I noticed something while clinging onto my ex's arm in the theater during the whole movie:

I was heartbroken.

GIPHY

Tears had been streaming down my face during all of those 126 minutes. As much as the movie has an upsetting tone, it is not supposed to be a real tear-jerker. Something was wrong. After the ride back to his house, I realized what had caused my heartbreak during this movie.

The reason why Her made me an emotional wreck is because it made me feel all the emotions at once. I immediately empathized with Theodore. I felt like we were the exact same person. I wanted to connect with people, but I couldn't. I didn't know how. I felt like I was unable to connect in fear of having intimate conversations, personal thoughts about struggles I was dealing with, alongside my passions and dreams be out in the open, possibly being rejected. I even remember a specific conversation I had with my dad about not wanting to get involved with the relationship because I knew it would "end at some point, so why even try? I don't want to get hurt so I'm not going to allow myself to get hurt." The problem I had faced was too busy preparing my heart to not get broken that I had not prepared my heart for when it did eventually happen. I had realized my problem. Even though I had trouble expressing my feelings, I definitely felt them. I had so many thoughts that I never knew how to verbalize them, but I definitely thought them. I needed someone who could help me plan and map out things I wanted to do in my life. I wanted to travel and see the world. I knew what I wanted to be a part of and what I had no desire being a part of. I did not communicate well. In fact, I saw Her play out my life. And that year, it most certainly did.

Well, not entirely.

Maybe falling in love with an object is a little far-fetched. I hadn't fallen in love with my phone, but I had placed my identity in the wrong person. The more I tried to find myself through this person, the more I lost myself. The more strain it had on the relationship.

What happens with your operating system when there is actually a real person on the other side?

People try so hard to be something they aren't that they end up losing who they were in the process. Why do we always try to appear to be perfect for others to see? Because lost people pour their hearts out to anyone who is willing to listen. To share their thoughts and dreams with. This is the reason why people place their identity in the wrong person. I did this in my own relationship.

Why?

A big problem with relationships, of any kind, is the lack of communication. A scene in Her, Samantha asks Theodore, "Are these feelings even real? Or are they just programming?" Does this mean that everything Theodore felt were not real feelings? What happens if the real person on the other side is not the person you thought to be? Yes, the feelings are there. Yes, the feelings are real. But this calls for real communication. My problem was that I had strong feelings and opinions, but I did not communicate them. If I was upset about something, I passed it off as not a big deal. If I was excited about something, I passed it off as not a big deal. I even found myself dreaming about certain scenarios where I could just be care-free and act completely myself in the relationship. But I feared being rejected. I feared connection and intimacy. From what I gather, people are more than willing to text/type their feelings out rather than communicate in person.

Why?

Because it's almost as if they won't get hurt. They don't necessarily have to feel rejection or loneliness.

Towards the end of the movie, we see a different side to Theodore, though. After becoming more open and real and honest, he realizes the one person who had been there for him the whole time, his best friend, (Amy Adams). He has left all bitterness and anger behind and writes a loving, good-bye letter to his ex-wife.

"Dear Catherine [____], I've been sitting here thinking about all the things I wanted to apologize to you for. All the pain we caused each other. Everything I put on you. Everything I needed you to be or needed you to say. I'm sorry for that. I'll always love you 'cause we grew up together and you helped make me who I am. I just wanted you to know there will be a piece of you in me always, and I'm grateful for that. Whatever someone you become, and wherever you are in the world, I'm sending you love. You're my friend to the end. Love, Theodore. [pauses] Send."

This took humiliation. Realization. Vulnerability. And this is exactly where God needs us the most. God wants us to humble ourselves, and be so vulnerable that He can mend our broken hearts. What do we do when we are lonely? We distract ourselves. But instead of distracting ourselves, we should give ourselves to our Creator. The world will never fulfill our Godly desires. There is a reason why when we keep coming back to porn, drugs or shutting down that we never feel whole. We always yearn for more. It is time to break up with these things that hold us down. God designed us this way because we are to yearn for Him. He is more and will always be more.

**Disclaimer: For those who have not watched this movie, "Her" is a rated R. Normally, I do not watch rated R movies because of vulgar language and sexual content. It makes me cringe. But, there are a few exceptions. If you can get past some of the questionable scenes in this movie and can ignore the colorful language throughout, I only hope you can enjoy this movie as much as I do. If you watch this movie, you have to have an open mind to the bigger picture, like I did. Maybe after some explanation, you can get past that this movie is about a guy who "falls in love" with his phone.