Whether it is divorced parents or you have grown up with a single mom or a single dad, living in a broken home has never been easy. I lived most of my life with my parents married, so whenever they told me about the separation, it was nothing less of a shock. I asked a few friends to share their experiences with me so that I could share them with you. If you are reading this and are experiencing a broken heart from the brokenness of your home, stay tuned for some advice to know that you are not alone in this. If you have never experienced this, continue to read to get a little insight on how the ones you love have grown up.
What is something you would tell someone going through this right now?
This is how they answered:
1. "Every day is hard, but holidays are especially difficult for EVERYONE in the family."
I can definitely understand this. The holidays are supposed to be a time where the family gets together and celebrated life, love, and happiness. Being separated from either one of your parents can be so difficult. Being stuck in the middle of an argument on who gets who for this holiday can be even worse. Trust me, I get it. Understand that one day you might have your own family to spend Christmas with. You will get to choose how to spend your time. You can choose the life that you did not have or your little ones.
2. "It gets better even if someone walks out because you realize it's God's plan."
The feeling of rejection was never intended to start in the home, but because of sin, this is where it starts. If you have ever been disappointed by a parent leaving, know that it had absolutely nothing to do with who you are. There is nothing you could have done to make them stay. God has made you in His image and if your mom/dad cannot see that; there is something wrong with their own heart.
3. "It's not your fault. You're the child of a God who will never abandon you like parents might."
Again, you would be surprised at how many people feel like the reason someone left them was because of them. I used to think that if I could have been a better daughter, maybe my parents would not have fallen out of love. It took me a long time to understand that my mom and dad's love for each other is different than their love for me. I no longer view love as my mom and dad. I view love as my Creator.
4. "Forgive but don't forget. My dad walked out on my family on Christmas day after he told us our house was in foreclosure. I have to remind myself to forgive him for what he did, but not let that negative energy back into my life."
This one is so powerful. It is so hard not to hang onto anger. Forgiveness is one of the hardest things to grasp, especially when the person your forgiving has no remorse for their actions. It turns out that forgiving is never really about the other person. Forgiving someone is setting yourself free from the hurt that they may have caused you.
5. "It affects you more than you think - don't run from those feelings. Embrace them. Talk about them. Write them down and be honest with your parents - but don't be too hard on them."
A broken home can affect so much more than the home life. It affects academically, athletically, and socially as well. If you hide the feelings that you have, chances are that they are going to come out when you least expect. Years go by and you wonder why you are struggling to let people in. Writing your thoughts down helps make them more than just thoughts. Sharing with a trustworthy friend can help you move past your brokenness. Coming out with how you feel can also help someone else who may not be as courageous. YES. Talking to my parents is something I wish I would have done during their divorce. I with I could go back in time and tell them what was going on in my own heart. It may have protected us more.
6. "My parents got divorced when I was a freshman in high school. It changed the way I love. Some good and some bad."
This is me. The moment my life changed forever was when I stopped believing that love would be possible for me. I believed that I would be just another statistic of children who come from a divorced family. It has made me cover up my hurt with humor. It has made me push people away that have loved and cared for me. On a lighter note: My parents divorcing opened my eyes to a new love. It showed me that their story is not mine. I am capable of starting my own family. I am open and willing to love my future family better.
If you are someone who comes from a broken home know in your heart that you are not just a statistic. You are not your parents. You get to choose how to love and who to love. You get to fight for your own relationships how you see fit. Love yourself. Love your families.
If you are someone who is going through a divorce or thinking about filing for divorce: please read these responses and keep them close to your heart. Remember why you decided to marry in the first place and train yourself to get back to love again. Yes, people do change, but people can grow together for the better.
- How Children Of Divorced Parents Love Differently ›
- To The Friends I Have Gained And Lost ›
- Friends Are The People Who Are Always By Your Side ›
