Growing up, I would often hear people say, "I'm sorry that you have divorced parents." But what they don't realize is, I would take my parents being divorced any day rather than to have to deal with constant fighting. Many times, I would hear people complain about how they hate their dad because he didn't let them go to a party or get the newest iPhone. I remember thinking, "at least you have both parents together in one household and their relationship is healthy". There are many things that I learned from having divorced parents and there were many things that affected me at the same time.
Growing up with divorced parents makes you blame yourself for a lot of the problems that your family has, at least it did for me. Whether it was my mom not being able to afford to pay rent some months or having to work two jobs, so we would have food on the table. I remember feeling like a nuisance because my dad had to pay child support. There were many times when I was younger where my dad would complain about how it made him broke when I was in the room. However, he was somehow able to buy things that weren't necessities. This broke my heart because one of my younger sisters told me that our dad was saying that they were on food stamps because of my child support. I didn't ask for the child support. I didn't touch any of "my" child support money, it went towards paying for bills and food which were things my mom was struggling to afford at the time. If you have money struggles the last thing you should do is complain about them in front of your children, because you don't know how much that affects them. To this day, I still feel that I am the reason that my mom can't afford to pay her mortgage or bills.
Playing sports was one of my favorite things to do. I was in many sports, from soccer to softball, I pretty much played them all. My two favorite sports were softball and volleyball. In middle school, there were so many good players on my team. The way that they got good was from being on a club volleyball team or going to college camps to improve on their skills. I remember wanting to improve my skills, but I couldn't afford to go to the camps. Home games were always interesting when it came to softball because half of the time, my mom wouldn't be able to go because she had to work. My volleyball games, my grandma would go to if she was able to. I remember my dad was only able to go to one or two of my softball games one year. I don't know if it is lucky or not, but I never got to experience my parents embarrassingly yelling during my sports games.
Having divorced parents made it hard to know what love truly was. Not having my parents together when I was younger, seemed like the worst possible thing. However, now that I am 21 I can fully say that if you truly love someone you should let them go. I was in my first relationship when I was 19 with a guy that I met off Tinder. It started off great at first, but it slowly started to become very toxic. He would constantly want me to be with him because he thought that I would cheat on him due to all his previous exes doing it to him. I would spend weeks on end staying over at his house, so he wouldn't get mad. I even drove to Wisconsin without telling my family one summer, because he was in another one of those moods where he was thinking that I was cheating.
One day, I woke up and finally realized my worth and ended up breaking up with him. Almost a year later and I still think it is the best idea I have ever made for myself. Yes, there is still a part of me that still loves him, but I think that him and I both know that we were not meant for each other. That is the same with divorced parents, they have their own issues and sometimes you can not fix them no matter how much you try.
The most important thing that I have learned from my parents' divorce would be independence. I would take the bus home from school and I would finish my homework most of the time before my grandparents got back. In high school, I would drive myself to work and then finish my homework afterwards. My junior year, I decided that I wanted to online school. I worked full time as well as did three classes. I was able to finish two classes in less than a month and if it was not for the constant support that my family gave me throughout the years, I would not have ever been able to do that.
Whether you have had divorced parents from the time you were born or are just now going through having your parents get divorced, everything will be okay. I learned a lot from my parents' divorce that I can use in the future. My parents' divorce still affects me to this day, but I have accepted that they are better off not together. In the end, your parents still have one thing in common, they love you. They will come together and support you despite any opposing views that they might have.
