“What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us.”
– Ralph Waldo Emerson

Warning: Content is sensitive in nature and/or may be unsuitable for some individuals. Readers use discretion.

For a moment let's set aside the election that has rocked our nation. "Why?" you ask. Well, there is an important dialogue to be had on a little, but big, subject in mental health called eating disorders (ED's for short). I know, it's an uncomfortable subject for many, wrought with confusion, ignorance, misconceptions, and the like. I'd hazard to conjecture that regardless of whom leads our nation, ED's will always be a tumultuous subject requiring great tact to navigate. You see, many shy away from the mere mention of the term as if it's a no-no word taught from birth not to utter. If I manage to get past that first shock, then comes the issue of a majority of laymen having no clue about ED's. "Okay," you say. "Tell me more, but what makes you qualified to say anything on this?"

Once upon a time there was a nondescript teen male, he had a secret. This secret was killing him, slowly at first but surely picking up momentum as the years went by. This secret was Anorexia Nervosa. You can read the attached link by the Mayo Clinic. You see, I was what they often term 'atypical anorexic', which is to say that I clearly had one of the most common and recognizable eating disorders but presenting with a few irregular traits. I had no desire to lose weight, but I had terrible body dysmorphia which is characterized by an obsessive focus on a perceived flaw in appearance. I was constantly indiscriminately targeted for my appearance growing up, lanky, skinny, skin and bones, goofy, dorky, etc. The list goes on, and by itself many of these describers are okay but it is the way they were often applied and over years time that hurt me. It wasn't always explicit in it's effect but over time I noticed how society told males we are supposed to act and look, combined with what people (often without ill intentions) said, affecting my thoughts and actions. I had a lot of freedom as a teen which gave me the ability to neglect myself in some ways.

It started in middle to late middle school, little things about my habits and thoughts that perpetuated into something out of control with an illusion of my own control. I binged and purged and restricted, eventually it was straight severe restriction and bingeing. I was bullied for years, most often verbally, and I thought I might as well hurt myself for them. I hated myself, there were so many reasons for my condition, stresses that I allowed to hurt me more. All the small and big things came to rear it's ugly head as one ED's mixed with depression and anxiety. I refused to acknowledge it until ED's, in my junior year of high school, took over completely. I was heading down a path towards death via depression of my own body failing me.

You see, anorexia while being a mental disorder behaves moreso like a physical condition. Rightly so, because it is also a physical condition. As the Mayo Clinic shows, ED's can lead to anemia, heart problems, thyroid issues, kidney problems, absence of a period in females, and decreased testosterone in males. Mayo Clinic goes on to say "...every organ in the body can be damaged, including the brain, heart and kidneys. This damage may not be fully reversible, even when the anorexia is under control." The National Eating Disorder Association (NEDA) talks about the prevalence and mortality of ED's in society. A highlight "In the United States, 20 million women and 10 million men suffer from a clinically significant eating disorder at some time in their life, including anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa, binge eating disorder, or EDNOS (Wade, Keski-Rahkonen, & Hudson, 2011). (EDNOS is now recognized as OSFED, other specified feeding or eating disorder, per the DSM-5.)"

That is shocking, and here is the kicker.... males are 25-40% of the eating disordered population according to studies (find out more here), but walk into any treatment center in the 21st century and women almost solely dominate the demographic of treatment. Men are stigmatized because of the assumption ED's are a "woman's problem". Because of all the stereotypes in our society that says how a man is supposed to act and who he is. There is only one body type, lean, sculpted, and muscular. Anything else isn't okay and you have work to do, wait, I'm sorry? Are we all crazy? Genetics show we are all 100% unique individuals, it's a simple common truth. There is an estimated 7.4 billion people on earth which means we have 7.4 billion ways a human being can look and be put together.

So women AND men both have a common problem, they both can suffer from Anorexia, Bulimia, Binge Eating Disorder, Orthorexia, Compulsive Eating Disorder, or OSFED. And while each individual as their unique struggles associated with their respective ED... WE.CAN.HELP.

Here is what you can do, educate yourself with compassion and discretionary sensitivity always in mind. Remember that there is no one cause that leads to disordered feeding/eating, there is not one cure (there are many), and it is a highly complicated dynamic situation. Your friend, loved one, etc. won't always say they need help, or ask for it... but they need it. Don't push it though, it takes love and time and understanding. And sometimes the best we can do is sit back within sight and wait, they know we're there. Know what it is, how it works, and care. Know your resources, what is around you that can help to support an individual? And while there is many other ways, I'll say this. Set aside your discomfort and be willing to open a dialogue with everyone about eating disorders. They are highly prevalent, highly disruptive, potentially deadly, and highly in need of an open dialogue.

Finally, recovery is often a lifelong battle. It is for me and many around me, we have are good, our bad, and our ugly. Like alcoholism, there's always a risk of relapse, but be willing to support. Ask how they're doing even long after treatment is over. Years later, Anorexia has affected my life in numerous ways. If you, a loved one, or somebody you know even suspected disordered eating... please don't wait for help! Speak to a professional, your doctor or use NEDA as resource to guide towards healing. Treatment is never far away.

"Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait and watch and work: you don't give up.”
- Anne Lamott